Tag: poetry
Season 2: Episode 5 ‘Mirroring’ in BPD, with Special Guest Sarah Myles
Link to the podcast episode …
Mirroring is one way people with BPD try to create bonds with interesting people they meet. This involuntary behavior is a result of a sincere desire to be accepted. Individuals that display ‘mirroring’ do so automatically. They are imitating individuals that have shown them desirable qualities. Since the Pw/BPD has a shattered sense of self, they can easily switch from whatever persona they were once displaying & easily switch to a new one. ‘Mirroring’ is a specific aspect of borderline that makes it difficult for a Pw/BPD to tell you what they like or dislike. Borderlines have a hard time making decisions or sticking to specific hairstyles, fashion trends, or genres of music. One reason most people with borderline use ‘mirroring’ to secure a bond with someone is to decrease the chance of being abandoned or rejected. This aspect of borderline is what Sarah refers to as the “Chameleon Effect.” Sarah Myles is a person I chose to interview about the topic of ‘mirroring.’ Sarah is a writer originally from London that now resides in North Yorkshire, England.
Reflecting
A poem I’ve written
about ‘mirroring.’
Mirrors can be tricky, don’t you think?
Sipping from a glass of truth but denying the drink.
Magically crafted so that we may truly SEE ourselves.
IMPROVE ourselves, or maybe even REMOVE ourselves?
I may have been crafted to show others who they are.
Most are unable to resist the hypnotizing charm.
Each one of us focused only on the things that we like.
Intertwined with this unintended slight,
I’m mastering the skill of being your type.
Life demands the borderline mirrors those that excite.
A demand they must adhere to for they fear the flight
Noticing all of these desirable traits
Each one of my behaviors begin to assimilate.
How easy it must be for my ‘looker’ to relate.
I submit myself to these effortless transformations.
No longer me, just various & interesting reflections.
Pieces of a broken slate of glass
My ‘self ‘ will always present itself last.
A painful instinctive reaction
I beg of you, do not leave me as just an empty reflection.
As I only believe, I am nothing without you.
I enjoyed my time immensely discussing borderline tendencies with Sarah Myles.
You can listen to our conversation here at the provided link.
Thank you, Sarah, for the opportunity to better understand the “Chameleon Effect” I look forward to future chats.
What Are You Afraid Of?
Fears, Mine & yours live within.
Mine, over time have combined and multiplied.
Fear can only live in the place without light,
It persuades you to give in, then surrender the fight.
I journey deeper to find what lurks there in the dark.
I see a long train tunnel, it is absent and cold.
My mind warns, “stay where it’s safe, do not go.”
My soul urges my spirit to go deeper, into the black.
Darkness has one job, conceal
Concealing my false from my real.
There is some value to be gained here, my spirit feels
I calm myself a bit, wait for my body to stop shaking.
The words written on these walls, exposing.
It appears someone has tracked all of my mistakes.
So what? I messed up, what difference does that make?
I feel the vibrations of something in the distance
My fear reappears to offer stubborn resistance.
Is someone driving this train?
I grab ahold of the last train car, and pull myself inside
I feel the train is moving slower now, down to a steady glide
Why did my train suddenly slow down here?
My final destination isn’t fear.
Within the darkness my fear takes hold
One thing is clear, to leave this place, I must be bold.
I rise and dust off the negativity
Realizing this new sensitivity
to myself and my power
I make my way through the train,after thousands of hours
I know I must make it to the front of the train
If only I could get this desire to move to my brain.
allowing my spirit forward, breaking free from my paralyzed state
I must reach the light, it is where I will meet my fate
Fear, Mine & yours live within.
All souls must struggle with sin
Spirit knows it can’t be kept in the shade.
I’ve found her, she is so bold and unafraid.
Her light is my light
Parts of who I was, exposed by the light
Exposing my dark traits so that my spirit will survive.
Stepping into the light can be a terrifying fear
That is also where you must steer.
Turn your way towards light, it shall set you free
Surrendering your truths leads to victory
An ongoing spiritual battle
is also our eternal war.
To win, we must lose.
And battle no more!
After living in darkness & wrestling with my demons daily…
I am strong enough now to handle the light!
Surrender to the largeness of who you’re becoming.
First Book In The Works
New Podcast: How does one help a friend or loved one deal with BPD?
Mindful Moment
I had a doctor’s appointment today, so I decided to put into practice a few things that I have been reading in the book I just started. I will be writing my review on the book soon. The book was suggested to me by my kid’s counselor, “One Minute Mindfulness.” Did you know you could change your life in 60 seconds? Yeah… Me either. I have been trying to get a lot of things accomplished at home and Summer baseball is in full swing (pun intended.) Organizing and such before school starts back for the kids & I in August. That is correct, you heard me right. I will still be working as a teacher. Assignment pending, but most likely not with elementary students. Praise the good and gracious LORD! He has been with me through some of the darkest times.
MINDFUL MOMENT
The wind & small leaves work together, creating a small symphony.
Starting at the tip top of the surrounding trees, feel that breeze.
They create a sound similar to that of great applause.
They show their joy for this moment I took to pause.
I am present in this moment, I am aware
I hear the birds all around me, their beautiful song
And a greater presence joins, or maybe it’s been here all along.
I feel the birds know that I envy their existence.
boasting their worry-free life, allowing me but a glimpse.
They swoop down for a quick breakfast on my lawn
As the glistening dew reflects the dawn.
The way they can see into each tiny hiding place
Makes me give a moment to this creature’s natural grace
To fly above the world, a glorious view
warm rays of sunshine, brilliant skies of blue
The working bird, yields a nest
picking up remnants of a forgotten mess
A small bundle of twigs, a few pieces of string
patiently waiting for the new life it will bring
The moment of listening to the leaves today
takes me to a place of gratitude, and I pray
I pray for my family and for my friends
I hope they know the love I have for each of them.
Life is full of beautiful moments such as this,
Don’t let them pass you by, an always fleeting bliss.
Hold dear to those you love and tell them everyday
Sweet friends, in this moment I learned to never forget the importance of play.
Play relieves the pain and sadness of this world
maybe tomorrow I will take a moment to pretend I’m a bird.
Written by: Michelle C
Sunday: A Day For The Soul – Part 6
Motherhood-(My personal experience)
My days spent pregnant can best be described
as unpredictable and full of surprise.
Each pregnancy lasting approximately 40 weeks.
Why can’t this pregnancy stuff just be a breeze?
A rare condition is discovered that only 2% of women experience
Hyperemesis Gravidarum – nausea with a vengeance
Needing meds for 9 months, to keep all of my food down,
And to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.
I couldn’t wait for the sick feelings to subside
And to meet the little being that had been hitching a ride.
“Breathe, breathe… Push, push, good, once more! Here he is, your little boy!”
The hard work done for now, the rush of overwhelming joy.
How little I knew about being a mommy
No time for excuses, let’s get to the O. J. T.
The second you hold them safely in your arms
knowing that one of your duties now is to keep them from harm
Six years of raising an amazing big bro
welcome your sister to the big show
The tears you shed during this emotional moment
adoring both of the angels that Heaven has sent
There is no one that will love you two the way that I do
Never worry my angels, mommy’s love is big enough for both of you
There is nothing I am more proud of than being your mommy.
Thankful for a chance to celebrate this beautiful day with both of you in 2018.
2 CUPS PODCAST: Episode 5
Strategies that have helped me during my shift from suffering from BPD and trying to pick up the pieces to building a life I am proud of. Take a listen!
Better Late Than Never:) Podcast Episode 4
I have spent most of the day in the ER with my husband, his job takes him out into the country to shoot footage for films and he is now undergoing treatment for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Thanks to a little bitty bug that wanted to suck his blood. It has been a day, but staying mindful and appreciating the small victories is helping me. This podcast and completing it today is one of those victories. Please keep my family in your prayers. Have a blessed night!
I will try to get caught up tomorrow.
Sunday: A Day for the Soul… Part 4
Wow, this means that I have stuck with something on my own, without any external incentive for over a month. I am pretty proud of myself. I have realized a lot about myself over the past few months- That there were definitely two things that I had lost over time which are taking time for myself then not feeling guilty, and to reflect on my own choices. It is nice to force myself to remember these things on a daily basis. That self love and self care are a way of respecting yourself, and not a sign of being selfish. The better you care for yourself the better you will be able to take care of your loved ones.
A Modern Day Tale ; How They Met!
I met him on an online rating site. (I know, how very romantic)
Checking things off the list…looking for my prince.
handsome, check
Smart, check
Tall, check
Now we just had to meet in person, right?
Is this wise, oh well! What the heck!
We meet at my work, late one night.
Easy to talk to, look at, wow! Could this be?
I will need another date, just to see.
We agree, this is something we did not expect.
We are “In Love!” How perfect!
Thus begins the lifetime of carnival rides.
all the unexpected surprises of life.
Not the kinds of rides that are well intended
The kinds of rides where your insides get blended
Although it’s all kind of blurry, he somehow still falls for me
We were quickly side by side, almost bound legally
but after one of you are safe within, yes, born before we were wed.
Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded wife?
To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?
As long as we both shall live?
He says yes, and so do I,
You may now kiss the bride!
Don’t forget those mentioned carnival rides.
They never go away.
You’ll understand this someday.
The twists and turns, the ups and downs that we continue to endure
Seeking now that our little family, feel stable and secure.
There are no fairy tales that warns you of this journey,
Only promises of the happily ever after glory, holy matrimony.
Never warning that some love stories may deal with disaster.
So we both continue looking for the happily ever after.
Missing out on the journey, only focused on the destination
I tried to pull the plug on our lives, twice, I turn in my resignation.
Only for it to be denied.
There are some things in fairy tales that do come true,
Prince Charming, is the person that can see right through you.
Your daddy rescued me, he rescued all of us,
I was spinning around on one of those rides,
and your daddy stayed much stronger than I
He looked deep inside himself, and held us together.
He says he will love all of us forever.
Don’t forget those carnival rides.
They never go away.
So remember our love story, even the parts that aren’t so sweet.
The moments we learn from, the people we meet.
Don’t look to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White
They have never really lived any sort of life.
I am sure in some fairy tale land, far far away
They live happily to this very day
They only miss out on the journey
and all of the moments are what is necessary
to remind us of what makes us happy!
The World in Black and White 
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