Tag: mindfulness

What are the signs of borderline personality disorder and how does it differ from bad habits?

I found this question on Quora and wanted to post it here as well as I haven’t felt like doing much blog writing or podcast creating lately. I have been absolutely exhausted from rebuilding our house after the house fire from nearly a year ago and holding down my job as an adult ed teacher. SO here it is… I am back and the next podcast will be up sometime this month. Promise, it will be an interview and I am excited to have this guest and know you will gain something from that episode, so be looking for that in the next couple of weeks.

Signs of borderline personality disorder include various behaviors, ranging from excellent to despicable. The PwBPD develops toxic but effective methods to alleviate emotional pain and may develop bad habits within this processing of stimuli. I believe that most of what the BPD will display are simply their own bag of coping mechanisms and overuse of these mechanisms establish their defective behaviors. I will point out some of the coping mechanisms I have dealt with personally.

I believe that most PwBPD are experts at hiding their true selves, (a learned behavior driven by fear, we can’t be ourselves because being ourselves wasn’t effective at keeping those people we desperately needed to remain in our lives.) So, the PwBPD becomes the human chameleon. The PwBPD is certain that changing who they are in order to be more pleasing to the people they need and hopes that it will remedy the pain of not FEELING loved or wanted. The PwBPD could possibly learn that the pain of not being loved never subsides but continues to exist with extreme peaks and valleys. The person dealing with BPD knows that it is less important for them to show their own preferences than to gain the FEELING of being loved/wanted. You might even observe a PwBPD by their unique ability to blend easily into any situation or peer group. Sign number 1, the person will be a talented actor within their roles. The sad fact is most people living with this disorder have no idea that they do this. They are quite literally existing in survival mode. If you know a people pleaser, you might know someone with borderline. Either way, this is a sign and can become a habitual response to external stimuli.

I believe the second sign, that not a lot of people discuss and a major problem in my life, is having a terrible memory, whether long or short-term. I am barely able to recall any memories from my childhood. The memories I am able to recall vividly are highlights of traumatic events that produced some sort of pain or agony for me. The good moments never seemed to make it to my personal memory timeline. I have to work very hard now & focus on maintaining mindfulness throughout my day and try to attach a feeling with the moments I hope to remember. The piece I stumbled upon said that the mind of the PwBPD is controlled by the emotional center. That if you want to memorize/remember something, make sure it makes you FEEL something, otherwise you will let it go and forget it almost instantly.

Sign number 3, A PwBPD is equipped with the ability to hyperfocus on the minute details of the emotional state of those they are closest to. A PwBPD may perceive it wrong at times, but this is on super rare occasions. This is mostly due to living so much of their lives in survival mode. A good hunter can spot game, an expert hunter can detect their prey’s movements and habits and make it a good spot to take out their prey before it knows what hit it. A PwBPD will do this with almost everyone & does so with little to no effort. They don’t do this to actually “take out” the people they are closest too, but to detect those that are unwilling to be there for them. Hunting for emotional pain relief.

A PwBPD knows how to survive chaos, and when things are too good it makes them overly anxious. They lie in wait for the shit to hit the fan. If things are good and they are triggered, they will create the familiar chaos they know they can survive. This ensures that a PwBPD will display patterns, most often these patterns play out without the borderline even being aware of it. It is their natural response to external stimuli. Sign number 4, they conceal their disorder by creating chaotic environments/situations.

A PwBPD also struggles with controlling impulsive behaviors. They are the most likely person to agree to those spontaneous adventures, going on a shopping spree even if they only have -$45 in their account, & turning to any kind of addiction.

Physical signs that a person could be dealing with borderline personality disorder… obvious attention seeking, becomes very needy of the person they FEEL abandoned by, self-harm (I would say this may include but is not limited to cutting, picking the skin, nail-biting to extreme, negative self-talk, isolation, tattoos, eating disorders, and other risky behaviors.)

A PwBPD may be unaware that they are being self-destructive. I know that people with BPD have a reputation of being these ruthless heartbreakers, hell bent on collecting as much pain from others as possible… I don’t believe this to be true at all. We are trying to exist in a world that has been successful at making us perpetually feel unwanted & unloved. We are capable of hurting ourselves & we will do this much more frequently than hurting someone else. I am not saying that we won’t hurt those we are closest to on our search for pain relief. The need that shows up is, “I hate FEELING like this… I need to FEEL better.” This means you should probably prepare yourself for the toxic coping mechanisms that are about to arrive like an unexpected house guest. I will say in defense of those dealing with BPD, we don’t want to hurt anyone, but we will if given the proper stage to do so. If you have chosen to be in a relationship with someone that has borderline personality disorder, you have to remember a person that has BPD has two perspectives. One perspective is “all in” the other perspective is “all out”. These perspectives are determined by the interaction you choose to have with the PwBPD. So be careful of how you interact with a borderline especially if they are fully engaged in seeking pain relief. I do know that this search for emotional pain relief happens almost automatically for the PwBPD. We can switch off the logic center (coping mechanism) and turn on the emotional center of the brain (coping mechanism) without blinking an eye.

I was in my late 30’s before I was diagnosed. I have been diligently seeking relief in the form of collecting information on this topic for 7 years. I have found that consistent workouts (kickboxing) help me with my many aspects of this disorder. I write and write and write, especially on days I feel the most misunderstood. I seek quiet by listening to music. We live in a state of “FEELING” too much so there are moments where numbness becomes what we hope to achieve. Lately, I have been trying to name the things I feel. Most of the time when I find myself in emotional pain, it is because I am overly stressed or feel like my needs are not being noticed or even considered. I hope this has been helpful.

These viewpoints are my own, based off of my own personal experience and things I have read along the way. I am a real human being; I write to provide relief and a better understanding of this disorder for anyone suffering from borderline personality disorder. My hope is that we learn about what creates this disorder so that some day we can find a lasting remedy.

Have a nice day! sincerely- A PwBPD

Finding the “HA” Amid the cHAos

5 Strategies with 1 bonus… Listen to the podcast with Sarah Myles for her 5 strategies.

Podcast link: https://open.spotify.com/show/74iinBD4fsgE2EleGTkKam

Photo by Vie Studio on Pexels.com

1)Halt negative thinking. Easier said than done, I know. My previous podcast episode, “The Borderline’s Garden” would be a good episode to listen to about weeding out your thought garden. My mind is constantly producing thought seeds. I know now that I am responsible for getting rid of the bad seeds and nourishing the good ones.

2) Harnessing the beast. I get into a pattern of spewing the negative things my previously planted bad seeds have produced. I whine and vent about the way things should be and how often my feelings are not considered. I can’t stand being this way, so I have to harness the ugliness of my beast by becoming aware of it’s dangerous utterances. My beast is always right. It takes an even bigger beast to get mine to surrender. I haven’t encountered many beasts bigger than mine, and that is not me trying to boast. My beast doesn’t care about feelings of others or the final outcome, it only cares that everyone comprehends how it is feeling. My beast is arrogant and unable to stifle its anger. Many things anger the beast. Some triggers include, social settings, high stress situations, incompetence, mistakes- personal or otherwise. going unnoticed or ignored, the beast is incapable of being perfect, so it shows off just how ugly and nasty it can be, and within that display, it is perfectly undesirable. Harnessing this beast has been something I have struggled with for most of my life and it is exhausting to wrestle with it. I try from time to time, to keep it locked up. My energy has been lower recently, so the beast overpowers me on most days and to pull it back seems pointless. Reasons to hold the beast back become fewer and fewer. I fall into depressive states when I’ve allowed the beast to roam free for too long. How do you harness the beast? Corner it with the things it doesn’t like, positive thinking, gratitude, and self-love. These things do not come easy to the borderline so you may need to call in some back-up or help with corralling this perfect monster. Which leads me to my next strategy… Sarah has a great way to look at the beast too, not so much as everything that scares you about yourself, but rather a much needed beast/bear that communicates the personal boundaries of the person dealing with borderline personality disorder.

3)Hack your way into a better mood. If you are a busy working mother like me, we don’t always have the time to utilize this hack. I have discovered that there are several things that instantly lighten my mood. One method I’ve used before is legal with the proper medical license now, but there are others that don’t require a license and are just as effective. Music that pulls you out of a funk- finding that song that can take you from sad to moving your body instinctively is a great way to hack into a better mood. Here are some of the songs that do this for me; “Wake Me Up Before You Go” by Wham and “Human” by Rag’ n ‘Bone Man. There are several other things I’ve used to pull me up from sadness; Poems, scriptures, phone calls with people that make me laugh, movies (comedies) or TV Series. Series that are guaranteed to make me laugh are Friends & The Office. I also feel better after some physical activity, my preferred sport at the moment is kickboxing.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

4)Handle pressing situations immediately or place on a priority list. You will soon find out that not everything is in fact a priority. I struggle with procrastination and perfectionistic attributes. Sometimes getting some of the job done results in doing a decent job altogether.

5)Harmonize your environment. Recognize stressors as they occur and take a mental note of the situation, create a plan to eliminate the observed stressors. For example, I have had to do quite a bit of adjusting to living in an incomplete structure of a house when trying to prepare for the workday. I would struggle every morning standing to look in an available mirror or locate my eyeliner or mascara. Nothing was ever where I needed it, and it was that little bitty straw that broke the camel’s back or in my case opened the gate for my beast to get out. I would start most mornings in a terrible mood. I then decided to lock the beast up by bringing a little bit of harmony to my morning routine by buying, building and appreciating a small vanity and stool. It helps me start every day in a better headspace.

http://Makeup Vanity with Round Mirror… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CB5TVXP7?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Photo by Teona Swift on Pexels.com


Bonus one) Hallelujah is last, but certainly not least!!! Start your day in prayer! Tell the Lord the things you are grateful for and watch your environment become more harmonious, and your mood more positive, and your patience restored, and remind yourself that Jesus loves us even at our worse, which means he even loves that beast inside of us too!

Other strategies found during research:

1. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

2. You are NOT responsible for everything.

3. Let other people do their share.

4. It’s perfectly fine to take a step back now and then to gather your bearings.

5. Know when to walk away.

These five points are the keys to achieving balance. When you find your world getting a little too crazy and hectic, just breathe and remember these things.

~H.A. Larson

Thanks to http://www.halarsonauthor.com/2018/09/finding-balance-in-midst-of-chaos.html?m=1 for reminding us that it’s ok to find balance and serenity for ourselves.

Sarah’s initial piece on The Chameleon Effect…https://sarahmyles.net/2020/07/01/managing-borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-chameleon-effect-through-the-end-of-lockdown/

Season 2: Episode 7 – “The Borderline’s Garden”

PODCAST LINK: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0bCrBZ25jGURp36yykT0ut?si=rlLOoiMxRjSEIf-q5O1Xcw

    We have been dealing with a lot over in our neck of the woods, my absence is mostly related to my brief summer break from teaching and well that just translates into a break from routine.  During this break from “root-ine”, I started to realize just how frequently my mind is busy generating thoughts and how those thoughts quickly blossom into feelings. Those feelings then ultimately direct my actions. This realization made me aware of the negative thoughts I was allowing to grow, and well that is where "A Borderline's Garden" originated from. 
    Well, here we go, I am glad you are here to listen. Let me know what you think & please comment if you are inspired to share your thoughts with this Ol' gardener.

It always starts out so small, a tiny seed that gets planted in my grandiose garden of thoughts. The place where all thoughts are nurtured before blooming into actual real feelings & behaviors. My negative thoughts are the most durable of seeds. They also grow into the most stubborn of weeds. Each durable seed collected during childhood. Nurtured by every crisis event of my youth. Now as an adult, I can spot the full-grown mess of stubborn weeds. Monsters really, glaring at me from time to time. Taunting me with their incessant noises, consistently spewing reminders of my past failures and only encouraging my insecurities to blossom. Even though I can identify the root of my problems now, I’m often feel too vulnerable or too emotionally immature to handle the task, the job of removing the stubborn weeds that had been planted before I became aware of the delicate state of my overgrown thought garden.

Are there any good things planted here?

I drifted off to sleep after working on this post. I’ve been working on this one post over the last few months. For whatever reason, this work let my pre-slumber positive mindset fall directly into a nightmare. I woke quickly around 4am, clammy, bothered & unable to fall back to sleep. This nightmare made me question a lot of things about myself. I laid there in silence, heart & mind racing, eyes unable to focus, mouth dry, covered by the cool darkness, my mind tossing about several conflicting thought seeds. Normally, I would have started crying and rolled over to ask my husband to provide some sort of comfort for me. This morning though, my reaction was a little different, I was able to calm myself without his help just by eliminating the terrible thoughts and focusing on the actual situation.

Photo by Ivan Bertolazzi ol Pexels.com

First, I began to question the origin of each feeling. I knew that everything I was feeling had just sprouted up from this bad dream. Could these thoughts have originated from my subconscious or were they from some darker place within my vast thought garden, a place I tend to visit too often, that place called paranoia? I knew I could test the validity of each thought. What are the test standards? – If it lowers my frequency or lessens my energy, the seed should not be planted. If it leads to truth and love, the seed can remain in my garden. I knew that a few specific bad seeds had already been planted, based solely on the developing insecurities the nightmare had encouraged. My insecurities are not founded in reality, rather based solely on my feelings. I can be in a loving relationship and still feel unloved and undesirable. I compare myself to other females nearly every day. If I am not as physically strong as them, then I feel weak. If I am not as pretty as them, then I feel disgusting. There is no middle ground for the mind of a borderline. It either is or isn’t. This black and white thinking is destructive and leaves very little room for grace. The battle of sticking to the truths of who I am remains most of where my struggles lie, and why this is such a serious disorder. Nothing is certain, and when everything is based on how I feel my entire concept of reality shifts from moment to moment. I should have thrown those seeds out long ago, but I didn’t know what I was doing. A novice thought gardener back then, those negative seeds grew into stubborn weeds, nothing good.

How could these small little thought seeds grow into such enormous monsters? They do at times confuse and scare me, but I don’t want them completely taking over my thought garden. The bad seeds feed on my fear like it’s some type of miracle grow. This fertilizer or “insecurity shit” it transforms the smallest of negative thoughts into these full-blown nightmares, only the type experienced in real life.

Photo by Meruyert Gonullu on Pexels.com OLHBD

I know I’ve not been the best kind of thought gardener; I just toss out every kind of seed without identifying whether I want it planted in my garden or not. I am guilty of thinking too much! My thought garden now vast & just like in real gardens, there is a ton of work to do. The weeds (my negative thoughts) show up in my garden randomly and frequently. They require no help to go from destructive thoughts to insecure feelings, they just suddenly appear and then I suddenly feel “less than”. The moment I notice these monsters in my garden, they begin extracting unusual powers from my insecurities, As the weeds settle in and begin to establish roots, they also simultaneously begin to construct catastrophic stories that my negative thoughts affirm will be my future reality. This experience must happen for all bad thought gardeners… Giving into the weeds, because we didn’t know how to nurture the proper seeds.

I’ve been trying a peculiar method these days. Be the gardener with a green thumb, protect and nurture the good seeds the ones you are responsible for and throw the rest away. Armed now with the knowledge that you must only tend to the garden you decide to plant, have planted, and will plant. Be a wise gardener. Identify your seed, provide an environment where it will grow best, be aware of what you have already planted so you learn what you should plant each season. * Tip: If good things can’t grow in your environment, change what you can control of that environment.

This will not be some quick and easy fix for managing “The Borderline’s Garden” and each may still get caught up in the weeds. I know this fact personally, as I still have terribly low days, like the one I experienced just a few days ago… but being armed with this truth helps me dig my way back up towards the sunshine. I welcome the warmth of the sunshine and the embrace it brings to my soul.

For the individuals that live with BPD, we know the intensity of sorting through our numerous thoughts. Our minds busy generating various types of thought seeds all day! Our mind’s motivation for this overproduction of thoughts is our never-ending desire to satisfy our constant yearning of one thing, to “feel” loved. The mind offering only the familiar sad justifications, listing reasons why you will never be good enough & that you should never believe that anyone will stay. The stubborn weeds you have left unmanaged for so long, now great at reminding your psyche that everyone eventually abandons you. Remove those monsters, they will never produce anything good.

Listening to the utterances of these monsters repeatedly, leads to a certain type of thinking, “I am not good enough, I’m not fun enough, I’m not witty enough to maintain the attention I crave from anyone anymore… if I don’t have this desired attention, then I do not have love. If I do not have love then I will be left alone. Unloved & abandoned, two of my greatest fears married together to successfully tackle one objective… Destroy any & all joy.

The truth is each person ultimately gets to decide what will grow best in their grandiose gardens. You can either ignore the weeds until they take over or you can address each thought seed upon arrival, be diligent in protecting your precious garden of thoughts.

Announcements!!!! (Next Episode Info!)

All I have been seeking lately is some reassurance that I am enough.

Someone without knowledge of how BPD affects the individuals that battle it, would never know the seriousness of this disorder. They wouldn’t know the seriousness of mine, unless of course I bring them into my inner circle. There aren’t many people there, and I am probably overreaching by referring to it as a circle. I don’t even have enough people in it to make a circle, it’s my inner semi-circle. I mask it well, my loneliness. My deeply planted insecurities are pretty well hidden from the outside world. I know that I have the ability to hide it when I need to, but moments like last night make it impossible for me to keep those ugly monsters completely locked away. So instead of locking them up inside my thought garden, I have decided to do the hard job of cleaning up the mess of overgrown weeds and getting back to tending to my more positive thoughts. Tending to my thought garden.

I finished this blogpost and discovered a little bit more. The nightmare was sent to apparently convey a message. After thinking about the dream all day, realizing that I was constantly worried about being abandoned that I was on my way to securing that as my future. It was as if while sleeping I had been visited by the “Ghost of Christmas Future.” He drew the connections to the time I had lost my faith in love during my youth & what I had been seeking to replace that lost faith, maybe I was seeking a lust for romance and adoration. Understanding that connection led me to more questions… If God is love, had I lost my faith in God? Have I been actively rejecting love, choosing only to survive? Choosing list and romance and adoration over love. I know now that if I want to live, and not just remain in survival mode, I must learn to love myself & others, showing each and every individual grace, acceptance and understanding. By rejecting love to self, I had been earnestly working towards securing a future of loneliness. It is a reassuring thought that we are never alone, and I pray that no one is ever without love! God Bless!

For more information or useful strategies, listen to my previous podcast episodes or check out other blogs by individuals with BPD that understand it is a constant struggle, and wake up each day ready to continue the fight… Maybe you could even start writing your own blog.

After wrestling around with all the thoughts that it took for me to produce this piece, the Bible verse that came to me was (plfff!) 1 Corinthians 13:6. The actual verse that talks about love starts on 13:4

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs…

Let those beautiful blossoms bloom!

Take a break you deserve it!
* Next episode I am hoping to have Sarah back on with me. We briefly discussed what we would like our chat to be about and I just love collaborating with her. Please check back next month for Season 2: Episode 8.

Season 1: Episode 7

Self-Awareness

Link to listen to the podcast: 

Intro: 

         Hello and welcome to “The World in Black and White”My name is Michelle and I’m the narrator and creator of this podcast.


Vision for the podcast:

My vision for this podcast is that it will bring hope to all individuals that may be overwhelmed by the challenges mental illness can create.

Announcements: (none)

Topic:  (SELF-AWARENESS)

Alright…  Welcome back everyone, this is episode 7 of the first season of The World in Black & White!  I am going to try and knock out 11 episodes total, for Season 1 before the start of 2023, so wish me luck!

This week’s topic is very near and dear to my heart, SELF-AWARENESS!

I don’t know the percentage of Borderlines that deal with this issue, but I am sure it is high. 

 If I were put on the spot to give 100% honesty on whether or not I liked something I would respond with a neutral type of response, still being unsure of what the appropriate answer might be for the given situation or I’d be worried about the response the person asking me the question is seeking. I’d probably just say “umm sure, it’s good” 
For starters, I do not like to offend but the closer I steer towards being authentic and honest, the more I realize that there will be times where my wants and needs may not be the same as others, and that my opinions and beliefs may not match their beliefs.I just need to remind myself that this doesn’t make me offensive. (because In my head, offensive people aren’t well liked.)  and because well, answering with an agreeable answer is less troublesome. 

but I have found that the moments where I have abandoned my opinions, beliefs or values to be agreeable for someone or something are also the initial moments that create conflict in my life. I know now that I must redirect my responses towards honesty and steer clear of always being agreeable. 

This amnesia of self may be one of the most destructive behavior patterns for PwBPD. 

I have made a lot of progress by bringing my focus on being present, really tuning in, consistently seeking my inner voice, and presenting the truth to others about the thoughts that are awakened or my true feelings when situations needing my input may arise. //

CRISIS HELPLINE:
  I would also like to let listeners know of help that is available.  Call one of these numbers or text them to find help.  I pray you always find someone there to pull you up.   

You can call or text 988.

Another helpline available through the National Alliance for Mental Illness is 800-950-6264 or text “HelpLine” to 62640


Are you able to make good decisions in a timely manner, or do you waver a bunch and say “well what do you want to do? Or what do you think we should do?”

I always thought this behavior pattern of mine to be a considerate personality trait. I was offering the decision to be made by someone else, to give them an opportunity to experience any level of joy out of that decision.  But in doing so, I have lost the ability to make my own decisions based on what I truly think or believe.  However; I think one of the only times we aren’t indecisive is when something causes us to “feel”. I am curious to find out if this need to “feel” happens because so many people with BPD actually function in their own lives  in a numb and apathetic way.It appears we have discovered some kind of mental switch for autopilot. 

However; this default in my brain to avoid making decisions for myself stems from my inability to see who I really am and what I really want.  This also leaves me with the inability to be decisive.  I rely on many other people to help me make good decisions. Why should I trust others and their decision-making over my own?

Well, I think that’s a good question!. I think I have stumbled upon something that will help us understand a little bit better why people with BPD have such a hard time with self awareness and understanding who they are, what they think ,and what their beliefs are//

BYTE of Insight:
Lately, I have been struggling a ton with not being able to see myself.  I don’t mean I need to buy glasses or clean my bathroom mirror.  I mean, I’ve noticed that I’m lacking in the area of self awareness and understanding my own identity. I am working at getting a better understanding of all the things that make me, me.

This may sound silly to some listeners but I do believe that this is a big issue for someone battling textbook BPD.

Not having the slightest clue of how others see you may directly berelated to that inability to see/know/or understand myself.  

I bet if you have BPD you are bothered by this just as much as I am.  

We have already learned that splitting occurs, as well as other unhealthy defense mechanisms when the PwBPD is threatened and that this happens on a subconscious level. 

I am now constantly telling myself, there is no threat Michelle.  Or reminding my brain that everything is ok, because I don’t want some unhealthy defense mechanism hijacking my mind or my behaviors.//

STUDY OVER SELF:  Alright what I’m about to read is an abstract from a study
Link:

Mentalization and embodied selfhood in Borderline Personality Disorder – PMC (nih.gov)

ABSTRACT:  Aberrations of self-experience are considered a core feature of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). While prominent etiologic accounts of BPD, such as the mentalization based approach, appeal to the developmental constitution of self in early infant-caregiver environments, they often rely on a conception of self that is not explicitly articulated. Moreover, self-experience in BPD is often theorized at the level of narrative identity, thus minimizing the role of embodied experience. In this article, we present the hypothesis that disordered self and interpersonal functioning in BPD result, in part, from impairments in “embodied mentalization,” that manifest foundationally as alterations in minimal embodied selfhood, i.e. the first-person experience of being an individuated embodied subject. This account of BPD, which engages early intersubjective experiences has the potential to integrate phenomenological, developmental, and symptomatic findings in BPD, and is consistent with contemporary theories of brain function.

“disturbances in self and other mental representations are fundamental to borderline psychopathology” (p.514). Similarly, Kerr et al. (Kerr et al., 2015) calls for a “reconceptualization” of BPD as “a disorder of self and relationality” (p.346). Interpersonal symptoms can include confusion about self-other boundaries with identity diffusion, projection of difficult affects onto interaction partners. One person with BPD evokes a bodily experience of this confusion (italics added):

(So this is from one person and what they have said but it hit me 100%!)

When I’m around other people, I can feel their energy. I can feel whether they’re happy or unhappy. I can walk into a room and feel whether there’s tension in the air or if everyone is getting along… Having my own identity issues makes it even harder to be around certain people. I feel other people’s emotions so strongly that sometimes, I believe they are my own (Mae, 2017).


PLANS For Next Episode:  
So I am thinking I will go further into this study and talk about it more on the next episode, one of the last things they talked about in the study is that while bpd
“ remains in current classification systems and can be reliably diagnosed. A considerable body of research on self and BPD has accrued, including a recent profusion and confluence of neuroscientific and socio psychological findings. These have generated supporting evidence for a supra-ordinate, functionally constituted entity of the self ranging over multiple, interacting levels from an unconscious, ‘core’ self, through to a reflective, phenotypic, ‘idiographic’ and relational self constituted by interpersonal and sociocultural experience.

  I am listening to many people that have been diagnosed with BPD on reddit and other websites that focus on psychology or mental health.  I ventured to one site called themighty.com and found an interesting article entitled “25 PEOPLE SHARE THE WORST SYMPTOMS OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER”

 




One of the responses from James said that his worst symptom was this…

“No sense of self. I went through so many majors in college and I am constantly second guessing myself. Do I really want to do this with my life? What about this instead? This looks better let’s do this. It’s tiring for myself and everyone around me. I’ll finally settle on something and then something better will come along and I jump ship.”(quote from Themighty.com)

I believe people that are highly sensitive to their environment look externally for the correct response, because we were the ones to keep environments from becoming too chaotic during important moments of development.  We weren’t given appropriate space and time to figure out the things we like/dislike, or what we really feel.  We were more than likely always told how to feel, or “to get over it!” 

Challenge:

The challenge that I would like to put out for this week is to use TRUTH as much as possible, rely on yourself to make those decisions, stay present, focus on listening to yourself,  make a list if you have too.  But the challenge is to be honest about what you want, and what you need.  And I think that is a good challenge for this week and I think it will pull you to a better place of SELF AWARENESS.

CLOSING:  Thanks so much for tuning in… We have come to the end of the podcast. What did you learn? Who can you share this podcast with? If this resonates with your spirit or makes you think of a certain someone that has experienced similar issues in their life, please share this with them.  I believe mental health is something we are overlooking on a massive scale, and in order for people to heal we need to be able to speak about this openly and honestly.

…Until next time… Choose truth, goodness and love Closing: