Season 1 Episode 8

Self Awareness continued

Link for podcast:


         Hello and welcome to “The World in Black and White” My name is Michelle and I’m the narrator and creator of this podcast.

Vision for the podcast:

My vision for this podcast is that it will bring hope to all individuals that may be overwhelmed by the challenges mental illness can create as a person attempts to navigate life in a positive and successful way.

CRISIS HELPLINE: I want to also make listeners aware of help that is available. Call one of these numbers or text them to find help.

Text “helpline” that’s H E L P L I N E TO 62640

Or dial 988 for crisis operator.

Announcements: N/A


We began talking about a study that identified some areas that might be of some interest for those suffering from BPD.I know it did catch my interest.  What the study showed is that even very early environmental interaction can affect an individual that is highly sensitive to their environment & that the lack of interaction from the parent or caretaker helps to create BPD, and it also instills a lack of self awareness. What we are finding out as we search for Borderline Personality Disorder and the relation to self awareness, is that there’s not a lot of information out there.But self awareness is key when trying to manage this disorder. 

So armed with this information from the study I went to have a conversation with my caretaker, my mother.  I asked her, “Were you depressed or was anything serious happening when I was an infant?”  she responds with “The year you were born was the year my dad died. He died 8 months after you were born.” 

Now I’m not entirely sure because the study doesn’t just blatantly say what age an infant has to be.  When I asked my mom about this she was clearly upset that she had lost her dad she immediately started trying to hold back tears and she failed at that so she began to cry I leaned over and gave her a hug and put my hand over her head I could sense that she was truly upset and that she missed her dad.  Now imagine 40 years ago, when I was just a baby how upset she must have been. I do believe that my mother suffers from borderline as well… just undiagnosed.  So that emotional, overwhelming event kept her at bay, from me when I was a baby. It’s important to remember in any relationship that you may create that other person has issues, and pains & things about them that may not help you, and I had to make that realization about my parents, in the past few years. In recognizing that I was able to forgive them.  I am still processing the pain because I really don’t like being controlled by this disorder. So I do my best everyday to work on self awareness.  

So why is self awareness so difficult for a person with Borderline? I have literally been thinking about this in the back of my mind all week. What I have come up with is that because a borderline is constantly looking at facial features and emotional feedback, body language. Little microscopic things that tell us we are pleasing or accepted is what we rely upon in order to function. To be in reality and to have your brain constantly over-analyzing every unspoken response and trying to dictate what your next words or movement action behavior whatever it is to have that be appropriate in that moment makes it quite difficult to dive into who we are and to give an honest response, because our number one fear is to be rejected and then abandoned because we were not pleasing or appropriate 

So in my search for self awareness I realized that the absolute number one thing you have to do is start being honest. You have to pull from deep within yourself. Being deceitful comes very easily for the borderline because were literally telling the people what they want to hear but when you are honest and you get to tell someone what you actually think or how you actually feel makes you aware of you. This is gonna take some practice.  Here are some of the strategies I personally use to make an honest effort of being self aware.  

If someone is having a conversation with you and you start to zone out on things happening inside your head, stop them, interrupt them if you must, and say “I am so sorry, could you repeat everything that you just said?” & Truly listen and & truly give them honest feedback.  

The other thing that I have been working on is time.  I use different times throughout the day to take care of myself,or to take care of my classroom, or I have to schedule certain things, so that I am making myself. I’m putting forth all of my energy on tackling specific tasks.  

We’ve all heard that “truth hurts,” but we’ve never heard of why it hurts. It mostly hurts our ego, but we can learn from the truth, and if we are always being honest then we will learn ourselves as well.

Sometimes creating pain in others is inevitable and sometimes having pain inside yourself is inevitable. So I’ve started to accept the pain and abandon the suffering. If I feel the pain and let it go then that is all it has. It is just a moment of my time and attention. When I let it go it no longer resides with me. I can move on and live life. Being self aware means that you are aware of who you are and while I still struggle with that, here are some things I do know; I am a woman, I am a strong woman, I am a courageous and strong woman. I like adventure sometimes, I like to rest sometimes, I do love to spend time with my kids, and love talking to my class about life, and I am happy that I am a mother, and that I was able to be a mother. And I am also happy to be managing bpd and trying to help other people and encourage them.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do on the podcast today, because there is very little information out there about bpd and self awareness. I do have this one hope that some of  my honesty today… Me just talking to you reaches someone and helps them work on self awareness and helps them manage their bpd just a little bit better because ladies and gents I do know how difficult it is and i wish it weren’t that way and the more I learn about borderline is that there is a reason for all of this there is a purpose behind it and we just have to become self-aware and understand what our purpose is, what our truth is, and then go out and be that. 

BYTE OF INSIGHT: sharing information that is good information

(Found online at optimumperformanceinstite.Com) 


Coping with borderline personality disorder can seem daunting, however help is available. It is not a life sentence, and it can be managed. Some of the following have worked to help people manage BPD in daily life:

  • Learning coping skills for raging emotions
  • Expressing emotions via creative outlets like drawing, painting or writing
  • Performing relaxation exercises
  • Active problem-solving behaviors
  • Setting attainable and realistic goals
  • Seeking comforting surroundings
  • Listening to music that is opposite of the strong emotions felt
  • Taking a warm shower or bath
  • Setting a stable schedule
  • Calling someone to talk
  • Talking to people about triggering events or situations to help avoid them
  • Engaging in a physical activity or outlet
  • Learning about the disorder
  • Being patient and understanding that symptoms may improve gradually

Understanding the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder can go a long way toward healing. By identifying that these mood swings and intense emotions are not intentional, one can learn to recognize the warning signs and learn to cope.

Challenge: I write every day! Whether it’s a response to something that happened or an idea that I had I tend to enjoy jotting those things down, however I’ve also found that writing about my feelings takes the bad seasoning out of my responses should I need to verbally respond to someone about a particular issue. It’s also a good way to keep track of my thoughts and feelings, and it helps me identify how different people or events change my opinion about them if their expectations aren’t what I had hoped. My challenge to you is to journal not at random but about situations that may arise this week that make your temper flare or break your heart or spirit. Instead of giving an immediate and impulsive response… write it down, then, when you have calmed down you now have something to calmly refer to if the discussion needs to happen. 

Closing: Thanks so much for tuning in we have come to the end of the podcast. What did you learn? Who can you share this podcast with? If this resonates with your spirit or makes you think of a certain someone that has experienced similar issues in their life, please share this with them.  I believe mental health is something that we are overlooking on a massive scale and in order for people to heal we need to be able to speak about this openly and honestly. Until next time choose truth, goodness, and love.

Thanks for your time! Happy holidays to each reader/listener! Peace within ✌🏻 is achievable! 🥰

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s