I’m looking at the “GREY”

More specifically, I chose to finally add “Grey’s Anatomy” to my list of things to do when the world stopped functioning normally and told all of us to stick it out inside of our homes (for an unspecified amount of time.) I knew this was a lofty goal to set… to complete this mega-series. I just had to do something.

Why had I waited so long to start watching GA? … Well, I asked myself this exact question just a day or so in to watching the show.

The series had started at the end of March, 2005. The cast is full of McDreamy’s (@PatrickDempsey) and McSteamy’s (@EricDane) and the line up of actresses are women you either want to ask to be your friend (@SandraOh) or emulate. (@EllenPompeo) they did amazing with casting.

I could have used this show in 2005, but during that time in my life, I am not sure that I would have appreciated it near as much as I do now at 38 years old. At that time, I was about to wrap up 4 years of active duty service at my final duty station, Ft.Benning, Georgia. Just finishing up my time as a war-seasoned E-4, Corporal. I was struggling a bit to find myself knowing that I was no longer the small-town girl I was when I entered the military. How had I lost myself so much during these 4 years away from home? Had I experienced too much independence, maybe? Is that even a thing, too much independence? Was it necessary for me to go through all of these things to lose her? The person I was told to be. (Sorry writing out loud.)

The Infantry Center Chapel, Ft. Benning, GA

I wasn’t going back home or back to that small town. I had just gotten engaged and had been busy planning my wedding, which was quickly approaching in just a few months. I would sit for hours after work sewing on my wedding dress, pondering what the rest of my life as a soldier’s wife would be like? Truth! The idea of a wedding at this point petrified me. I did know that I wanted to hold onto that respectable soldier, and this was the next step. We managed to stay together for 4 years. He stayed in the Army and I moved back home. The call of the familiar was too loud for me to just ignore.

This is the exact pattern I used to make my dress.

I created a fantasy future while absorbed in a different series. A series that involved Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda & Samantha. Yes, I was living out lifestyle fantasies with the girls from Sex in the City. I wanted to go live in New York City and have a sophisticated lifestyle comparable to theirs. Instead, what I opted for was marriage to that respectable soldier and a move to Ft. Bragg. I guess I did a few things to live like those gals and still do. I shop like all of them (*thrift stores) act confident like Samantha & write like Carrie ! 😂

I believe the real reason I didn’t cave to watching Grays Anatomy at that time, was I didn’t just do what was popular or on trend, I did what I wanted, when I wanted. The truth was, I had no idea what I was missing out on. This show is a dream come true for the person with BPD. (Borderline Personality Disorder) So many of the characters deal with trauma, had I watched this in 2005 it may have been too early in my life, it wouldn’t have resonated then the way it does now.

You can see two characters in particular display great growth throughout the show as their characters suffer major losses and heartbreak. Meredith Grey and Alex Karev are very relatable and you grow to cheer for their success despite whatever chaos they invite into their lives.

Thank you @ShondaRhimes for creating such a great series! Your talent is amazing and inspiring.

Just watched Season 10: Episode 14 this song came on and it just makes sense about changing the world. The only thing we have to do is start with OURSELVES.

Man in The Mirror

This show was more than entertaining for me it was therapeutic and the cast became friends for me during the lockdown. I know I will watch it all over again because it made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me feel, which showed me life isn’t over. To end this little blog post this is a little quote that Meredith Grey’s mother would always say to her.

🎠 “The carousel never stops turning” – Ellis Grey

So pick your favorite seat and hang on! Have a great day and if you decide to watch Grey’s Anatomy let me know what you think. It was a 10/10 for me!

“Monday start the carousel ride”
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Saving The Floor & Foundation…

On Friday, I was forced to work from home, reasons beyond COVID. The building where we have classes had to shut off the water… plumbing issues. Hopefully they will have it all figured out by Monday.

What the east hallway looked like.

So we did what we always do… we press on! Understanding the difficulties and adapting to overcome those difficulties.

I don’t think masks are necessary over Zoom. Better safe than sorry! Gotta love those Aloe Vera plants! The cure to almost any ailment!

Teaching on Fridays, normally plays out with me in my classroom, students joining me on Zoom at 9:00 to attend class. We have our Distance Learning instruction, they can ask for assistance, and then I distribute assignments. The rest of the afternoon is for planning and entering data. I love Fridays at work. But this past Friday that didn’t happen. We managed to have class, but the enjoyable afternoon I normally have didn’t happen. Instead, I came home to a construction zone with tons to do.

Taken during construction… 🙁

I’m dead tired. Friday night we were up until 6am. Saturday up until 1am. We have tons left to do. I hope I can handle it.

Here I am… a little overwhelmed.

I’ll post the after photos as soon as new floor is in. I’m looking forward to the redesign aspect of this job though. I love looking at how amazing something can potentially be. Pray for us! This stuff is hard work.

Literature Review: Choose The Life You Want (The Mindful Way to Happiness)

I am nearly finished reading this book.  It has provided a lot of useful information. I am happy to have found it available at my local library.  So a choice piece of literature for free.  Bonus!  And for a person that hasn’t been able to complete a book in a very long time I am feeling very good about including one of my old cherished past times of reading back into my daily routine.  That word “routine” seems funny for me to even write.  I have very few things that are routine.  However, I seldom perform these “routine” tasks at the same times each day. Is it still considered a routine? The definition describes it as a “fixed program.”  One fixed program that I must stick to is making a cup of coffee in the morning.  Each morning a wonderful little invention called a Keurig creates a bit of magic in my kitchen.  It dispenses a perfectly made cup of motivation.  I don’t know what I would be without it… probably still  asleep.  🙂 Thank you Keurig manufacturers.pexels-photo-888992.jpeg

On to the highlights of the book.  I get carried away sometimes with my thoughts.  It is my inevitable “squirrel” moments.

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Chapter 88 is a chapter every living, breathing person should read.  And possibly revisit several times throughout their lifetime.  The title says all that needs to be said, “Experience your mistakes as catastrophes -or- Treat your mistakes as valuable feedback”  As a teacher it was very easy for me to remind my students that mistakes were part of the learning process.  Inventors do this and learn from their mistakes.  We know that mistakes are inevitable.  The fact is no one is without their faults… The trick here is to find the value of every mistake made.  Remember the lesson that you learned from your mistakes and then avoid making the same mistake again.  Consequences are valuable teaching tools, but they aren’t nuclear bombs.  You can LIVE and LEARN and continue LIVING.  If we were meant to learn without mistakes, erasers would not exist.

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One of the final statements made in the book is this, “Choice unleashes the potential within each moment.  As you become MINDFUL of the potential within this moment your life gains momentum, becomes momentous. When a moment matters, LIFE MATTERS.”  I really hope to remember the meaning of this statement for the rest of my days.  We are the directors of our lives, each and every day plays out the way we choose it to.  For the longest time I have always told myself that someone else was in charge or controlling parts of my life and this would always stifle my personal growth.  I now take responsibilities for myself and my decisions, staying mindful of this will help me continue with making progress.  pexels-photo-103123.jpeg

Have a wonderful day being in charge of your life!

 

Friday Self-Evaluation

A question I have always had an immediate response for is “are you ok?”  I know because my answer is always one given without much thought at all.  I say “yeah!” or “Uh-huh!” I say this without really checking myself to see if I am actually doing ok.  It’s more of a reflex, really. I should be more mindful of this response when people ask, right?  I want to give them honesty.  A true response, but I just give the short, quick answer because I don’t feel that anyone wants to really hear my thoughts on if I am truly ok.  Does this say more about me, than the person asking the question?  I think so.

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I have asked people this question before, with the expectation of getting the answer I usually give… The reflexive “Yeah!” or “Uh-huh!” When I actually meet someone that wants to divulge their personal problems to me or dives in a little deeper than I am comfortable with, I usually mentally check out.  The occasional head nod and eye contact usually works incredibly well for managing a conversation without really having a conversation.  Then, I start wondering how many times have I done this to someone?  How many times has someone used this “checked out” strategy with me?  charlie-chaplin-copy-circus-white.jpg

It is very scary to be vulnerable and honest with people. I just said these words yesterday. “I have been dissecting myself for all the world to learn about this disorder.” I have no end goal for this forced transparency shown through my blog… Except to practice transparency. In hopes that being mindful and transparent one day becomes automatic. I also utilize blogging as a system of accountability and as a log to refer back to later on in life.

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To answer the question, “Are you ok?”

Yes, I have been doing ok.  I have noticed that mentally and emotionally I am not ok with my weight gain right before the summer months.  It emphasizes my need to be smaller and to look more toned and trim.  I will more than likely limit my eating or invest in a cute bathing suit cover up.  Random-Funny-Picdump61

 

I am physically drained everyday.  I feel as though I have accomplished something worthy of mentioning when I complete laundry or put the dishes away.  Lately, just making sure I have sent my son off to school with a good breakfast and a lunchbox full of food is equivalent to working a full 8 hours.  I know it doesn’t make much sense, but I feel that if I have done that than most of my work for the day is complete. The other half of the day I only need to take care of my daughter’s physical needs.  If I am having a good day, I will add a little more excitement to our day by going to different places or just letting her play outside while I lay down on the patio furniture.  These days are rare.

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I am hoping to add more to our day today.  I am resting on the couch now and it would be fine with me if someone could come in and take over for me today.  Lethargy has taken residence inside my whole being.

sloth

I woke up at 6 am, made my son breakfast, made sure he was well equipped to tackle the day on his own and dropped him off with his baseball team for a tournament.  I then made it back home, served the baby girl breakfast and started the Keurig.  I was able to get a cup of coffee down. I still feel that I need 12 more to get to a level of “just woke up”  Does anyone else deal with this?  How does one overcome this? I want to work efficiently throughout a day, I would take one day.

So maybe I am not ok… I am realizing I need things to get me there.

on to cup #2.  Have a great day!  I will most definitely use up all of my energy, trying.

Better Late Than Never:) Podcast Episode 4

Episode 4 —CLICK HERE—-

 

I have spent most of the day in the ER with my husband, his job takes him out into the country to shoot footage for films and he is now undergoing treatment for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.  Thanks to a little bitty bug that wanted to suck his blood.  It has been a day, but staying mindful and appreciating the small victories is helping me.  This podcast and completing it today is one of those victories.  Please keep my family in your prayers.  Have a blessed night!

I will try to get caught up tomorrow.

 

Sunday: A Day for the Soul… Part 4

Wow, this means that I have stuck with something on my own, without any external incentive for over a month.  I am pretty proud of myself.  I have realized a lot about myself over the past few months-  That there were definitely two things that I had lost over time which are taking time for myself then not feeling guilty, and to reflect on my own choices.  It is nice to force myself to remember these things on a daily basis. That self love and self care are a way of respecting yourself, and not a sign of being selfish. The better you care for yourself the better you will be able to take care of your loved ones.

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A Modern Day Tale ; How They Met!

 

I met him on an online rating site. (I know, how very romantic)

Checking things off the list…looking for my prince.

handsome, check

Smart, check

Tall, check

Now we just had to meet in person, right?

Is this wise, oh well! What the heck!

We meet at my work, late one night.

Easy to talk to, look at, wow! Could this be?

I will need another date, just to see.

We agree, this is something we did not expect.

We are “In Love!” How perfect!

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Thus begins the lifetime of carnival rides. 

all the unexpected surprises of life.

Not the kinds of rides that are well intended

The kinds of rides where your insides get blended

Although it’s all kind of blurry, he somehow still falls for me

We were quickly side by side, almost bound legally

but after one of you are safe within,  yes, born before we were wed.

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Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded wife?

To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?

As long as we both shall live?

He says yes,  and so do I,

You may now kiss the bride!

Don’t forget those mentioned carnival rides.

They never go away.

You’ll understand this someday.

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The twists and turns, the ups and downs that we continue to endure

Seeking now that our little family, feel stable and secure.

There are no fairy tales that warns you of this journey,

Only promises of the happily ever after glory, holy matrimony.

Never warning that some love stories may deal with disaster.

So we both continue looking for the happily ever after.

Missing out on the journey, only focused on the destination

I tried to pull the plug on our lives, twice, I turn in my resignation.

Only for it to be denied.pexels-photo-814796.jpeg

 

There are some things in fairy tales that do come true,

Prince Charming, is the person that can see right through you.

Your daddy rescued me, he rescued all of us,

I was spinning around on one of those rides,

and your daddy stayed much stronger than I

He looked deep inside himself, and held us together.

He says he will love all of us forever.

Don’t forget those carnival rides.

They never go away.

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So remember our love story, even the parts that aren’t so sweet.

The moments we learn from, the people we meet.

Don’t look to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White

They have never really lived any sort of life.

I am sure in some fairy tale land, far far away

They live happily to this very day

They only miss out on the journey

and all of the moments are what is necessary

to remind us of what makes us happy!