Tag: poetry

Season 2: Episode 5 ‘Mirroring’ in BPD, with Special Guest Sarah Myles

Link to the podcast episode …

Season 2: Episode 5

Mirroring is one way people with BPD try to create bonds with interesting people they meet. This involuntary behavior is a result of a sincere desire to be accepted. Individuals that display ‘mirroring’ do so automatically. They are imitating individuals that have shown them desirable qualities. Since the Pw/BPD has a shattered sense of self, they can easily switch from whatever persona they were once displaying & easily switch to a new one. ‘Mirroring’ is a specific aspect of borderline that makes it difficult for a Pw/BPD to tell you what they like or dislike. Borderlines have a hard time making decisions or sticking to specific hairstyles, fashion trends, or genres of music. One reason most people with borderline use ‘mirroring’ to secure a bond with someone is to decrease the chance of being abandoned or rejected. This aspect of borderline is what Sarah refers to as the “Chameleon Effect.” Sarah Myles is a person I chose to interview about the topic of ‘mirroring.’ Sarah is a writer originally from London that now resides in North Yorkshire, England.

https://sarahmyles.net/2013/07/22/borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-chameleon-effect/
The link above will take you to the short piece Sarah Myles authored.

Reflecting

A poem I’ve written
about ‘mirroring.’

Mirrors can be tricky, don’t you think?

Sipping from a glass of truth but denying the drink.

Magically crafted so that we may truly SEE ourselves.

IMPROVE ourselves, or maybe even REMOVE ourselves?

I may have been crafted to show others who they are.

Most are unable to resist the hypnotizing charm.

Each one of us focused only on the things that we like.

Intertwined with this unintended slight,

I’m mastering the skill of being your type.

Life demands the borderline mirrors those that excite.

A demand they must adhere to for they fear the flight

Noticing all of these desirable traits

Each one of my behaviors begin to assimilate.

How easy it must be for my ‘looker’ to relate.

I submit myself to these effortless transformations.

No longer me, just various & interesting reflections.

Pieces of a broken slate of glass

My ‘self ‘ will always present itself last.

A painful instinctive reaction

I beg of you, do not leave me as just an empty reflection.

As I only believe, I am nothing without you.

I enjoyed my time immensely discussing borderline tendencies with Sarah Myles.
You can listen to our conversation here at the provided link.

Listen in for a better understanding of the “Chameleon Effect” & real life strategies to help with BPD.

Thank you, Sarah, for the opportunity to better understand the “Chameleon Effect” I look forward to future chats.

What Are You Afraid Of?

Fears, Mine & yours live within.

Mine, over time have combined and multiplied.

Fear can only live in the place without light,

It persuades you to give in, then surrender the fight.

I journey deeper to find what lurks there in the dark.

I see a long train tunnel, it is absent and cold.

Photo by Aleksey Kuprikov on Pexels.com

My mind warns, “stay where it’s safe, do not go.”

My soul urges my spirit to go deeper, into the black.

Darkness has one job, conceal

Concealing my false from my real.

There is some value to be gained here, my spirit feels

I calm myself a bit, wait for my body to stop shaking.

The words written on these walls, exposing.

It appears someone has tracked all of my mistakes.

So what? I messed up, what difference does that make?

I feel the vibrations of something in the distance

My fear reappears to offer stubborn resistance.

Is someone driving this train?

I grab ahold of the last train car, and pull myself inside

I feel the train is moving slower now, down to a steady glide

Why did my train suddenly slow down here?

My final destination isn’t fear.

Within the darkness my fear takes hold

One thing is clear, to leave this place, I must be bold.

I rise and dust off the negativity

Realizing this new sensitivity

to myself and my power

Photo by Tuur Tisseghem on Pexels.com

I make my way through the train,after thousands of hours

I know I must make it to the front of the train

If only I could get this desire to move to my brain.

allowing my spirit forward, breaking free from my paralyzed state

I must reach the light, it is where I will meet my fate

Photo by Alexander Zvir on Pexels.com

Fear, Mine & yours live within.

All souls must struggle with sin

Spirit knows it can’t be kept in the shade.

I’ve found her, she is so bold and unafraid.

Her light is my light

Parts of who I was, exposed by the light

Exposing my dark traits so that my spirit will survive.

Stepping into the light can be a terrifying fear

That is also where you must steer.

Turn your way towards light, it shall set you free

Surrendering your truths leads to victory

An ongoing spiritual battle

is also our eternal war.

To win, we must lose.

And battle no more!

After living in darkness & wrestling with my demons daily…

I am strong enough now to handle the light!

Surrender to the largeness of who you’re becoming.

Mindful Moment

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I had a doctor’s appointment today, so I decided to put into practice a few things that I have been reading in the book I just started.  I will be writing my review on the book soon.  The book was suggested to me by my kid’s counselor, “One Minute Mindfulness.”  Did you know you could change your life in 60 seconds? Yeah… Me either. I have been trying to get a lot of things accomplished at home and Summer baseball is in full swing (pun intended.)  Organizing and such before school starts back for the kids & I in August.  That is correct, you heard me right.  I will still be working as a teacher.  Assignment pending, but most likely not with elementary students.  Praise the good and gracious LORD! He has been with me through some of the darkest times.

MINDFUL MOMENT

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The wind & small leaves work together, creating a small symphony.

Starting at the tip top of the surrounding trees, feel that breeze.

They create a sound similar to that of great applause.

They show their joy for this moment I took to pause.

I am present in this moment, I am aware

I hear the birds all around me, their beautiful song

And a greater presence joins, or maybe it’s been here all along.

bird

I feel the birds know that I envy their existence.

boasting their worry-free life, allowing me but a glimpse.

They swoop down for a quick breakfast on my lawn

As the glistening dew reflects the dawn.

The way they can see into each tiny hiding place

Makes me give a moment to this creature’s natural grace

birds flying

To fly above the world, a glorious view

warm rays of sunshine, brilliant skies of blue

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The working bird, yields a nest

picking up remnants of a forgotten mess

A small bundle of twigs, a few pieces of string

patiently waiting for the new life it will bring

The moment of listening to the leaves today

takes me to a place of gratitude, and I pray

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I pray for my family and for my friends

I hope they know the love I have for each of them.

Life is full of beautiful moments such as this,

Don’t let them pass you by, an always fleeting bliss.

Hold dear to those you love and tell them everyday

Sweet friends, in this moment I learned to never forget the importance of play.1040564_10200707385820949_648089819_o

Play relieves the pain and sadness of this world

maybe tomorrow I will take a moment to pretend I’m a bird.

Written by: Michelle C

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Sunday: A Day For The Soul – Part 6

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Motherhood-(My personal experience)

My days spent pregnant can best be described

as unpredictable and full of surprise.

Each pregnancy lasting approximately 40 weeks.

Why can’t this pregnancy stuff just be a breeze?

A rare condition is discovered that only 2% of women experience

Hyperemesis Gravidarum – nausea with a vengeance

Needing meds for 9 months, to keep all of my food down,

And to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.

I couldn’t wait for the sick feelings to subside

And to meet the little being that had been hitching a ride.

“Breathe, breathe… Push, push, good, once more! Here he is, your little boy!”

The hard work done for now, the rush of overwhelming joy.

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How little I knew about being a mommy

No time for excuses, let’s get to the O. J. T.

The second you hold them safely in your arms

knowing that one of your duties now is to keep them from harm

Six years of raising an amazing big bro

welcome your sister to the big show

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The tears you shed during this emotional moment

adoring both of the angels that Heaven has sent

There is no one that will love you two the way that I do

Never worry my angels, mommy’s love is big enough for both of you

There is nothing I am more proud of than being your mommy.

Thankful for a chance to celebrate this beautiful day with both of you in 2018.

 

 

 

 

Better Late Than Never:) Podcast Episode 4

Episode 4 —CLICK HERE—-

 

I have spent most of the day in the ER with my husband, his job takes him out into the country to shoot footage for films and he is now undergoing treatment for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.  Thanks to a little bitty bug that wanted to suck his blood.  It has been a day, but staying mindful and appreciating the small victories is helping me.  This podcast and completing it today is one of those victories.  Please keep my family in your prayers.  Have a blessed night!

I will try to get caught up tomorrow.

 

Sunday: A Day for the Soul… Part 4

Wow, this means that I have stuck with something on my own, without any external incentive for over a month.  I am pretty proud of myself.  I have realized a lot about myself over the past few months-  That there were definitely two things that I had lost over time which are taking time for myself then not feeling guilty, and to reflect on my own choices.  It is nice to force myself to remember these things on a daily basis. That self love and self care are a way of respecting yourself, and not a sign of being selfish. The better you care for yourself the better you will be able to take care of your loved ones.

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A Modern Day Tale ; How They Met!

 

I met him on an online rating site. (I know, how very romantic)

Checking things off the list…looking for my prince.

handsome, check

Smart, check

Tall, check

Now we just had to meet in person, right?

Is this wise, oh well! What the heck!

We meet at my work, late one night.

Easy to talk to, look at, wow! Could this be?

I will need another date, just to see.

We agree, this is something we did not expect.

We are “In Love!” How perfect!

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Thus begins the lifetime of carnival rides. 

all the unexpected surprises of life.

Not the kinds of rides that are well intended

The kinds of rides where your insides get blended

Although it’s all kind of blurry, he somehow still falls for me

We were quickly side by side, almost bound legally

but after one of you are safe within,  yes, born before we were wed.

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Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded wife?

To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?

As long as we both shall live?

He says yes,  and so do I,

You may now kiss the bride!

Don’t forget those mentioned carnival rides.

They never go away.

You’ll understand this someday.

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The twists and turns, the ups and downs that we continue to endure

Seeking now that our little family, feel stable and secure.

There are no fairy tales that warns you of this journey,

Only promises of the happily ever after glory, holy matrimony.

Never warning that some love stories may deal with disaster.

So we both continue looking for the happily ever after.

Missing out on the journey, only focused on the destination

I tried to pull the plug on our lives, twice, I turn in my resignation.

Only for it to be denied.pexels-photo-814796.jpeg

 

There are some things in fairy tales that do come true,

Prince Charming, is the person that can see right through you.

Your daddy rescued me, he rescued all of us,

I was spinning around on one of those rides,

and your daddy stayed much stronger than I

He looked deep inside himself, and held us together.

He says he will love all of us forever.

Don’t forget those carnival rides.

They never go away.

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So remember our love story, even the parts that aren’t so sweet.

The moments we learn from, the people we meet.

Don’t look to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White

They have never really lived any sort of life.

I am sure in some fairy tale land, far far away

They live happily to this very day

They only miss out on the journey

and all of the moments are what is necessary

to remind us of what makes us happy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Podcast #3 and My Self-Evaluation

 

happy cup

2 cups Podcast: Episode 3

 

I did notice today that I may in fact need friends for emotional support. I think I can handle a small circle of friends.  It was nice to see that she was doing so well.  I loved hearing about her sister, and the success she is finding in her young life.  I was sad to hear that her mom and dad are no longer with us.  It is crazy how easily we could talk about anything and everything.  It was like we hadn’t experienced any time apart.  I really enjoyed sharing the newly found self-awareness, I have recently experienced.  To hear that she had been making it through her own struggles made me aware of her strength.  She says to me, “Isn’t it crazy that life doesn’t ever turn out how you think it will?”  I replied with a nod of the head… “So true!” I am understanding now we all need friends, good friends, to make it through this thing called life.coffee

I have put so much pressure on my better-half, he has to be almost everything for me.  I know now that this amount of pressure on a person can’t be healthy, even though he has been doing an amazing job of getting me through these past couple of months since accepting my diagnosis.  I realize one person can’t be another person’s everything.  It is not healthy.  If you love the other person you wouldn’t want to put that amount of pressure on them, right?

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A friend that I have had since Junior High came to visit with her two babies today, and has always been a person I have never had to be false around.  She was one of the only people ever invited over to the run-down,  trailer house we called home.  It was refreshing to hear that she felt I was never dishonest around her.  I was like… “Yeah, but there are several ways I was being dishonest.  I would wear masks, and mirror individuals, and was deceiving myself.”  Luckily, she knows where I come from, she knows my heart and knows I have the ability to be brutally honest.  She had seen so much from me over the years, I could see that this was a little hard for her to believe now.  I love my friend, it felt nice to catch up, and I am truly thankful that she was there for me as a kid, and has reminded me that she is still here for me now.  Thank you!

small circle

Ok, so who else wants to join my exclusive circle of friends…  I have room for about 3 more, maybe?

Tell a friend that they are the reason you smiled today.  I bet it will make them smile too!

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