Season 2 : Episode 1

Topic: “The Comparison of  Mental Health Disorders To Society”

Season 2

Introduction:  HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Welcome to the World in Black and White this is Michelle and I am the narrator and creator of this podcast. I am grateful to begin Season 2 discussing Borderline Personality Disorder with you and giving some helpful strategies that might make a positive difference for those living with BPD.

Vision: My vision for the second season of “The World in Black and White,” is that this season includes interviews with mental health experts, discussing life with some willing & kooky friends, as well as adding some forced commentary from my family members. I mean, why not?  Those dealing with mental health disorders usually surround themselves with some pretty interesting & entertaining people.  I want those listening to this to receive a dose of hope and possibly some useful strategies that help direct them towards a healthier path. I aim to achieve this in a manner that inspires others to choose a place of self awareness and authenticity. I hope to create a space here that allows all people to shed their mask, and to listen without fear of rejection or criticism.  Alright, let’s go to that place that arouses self-awareness and acceptance… This is The World in Black and White!

So I was just having a conversation with my older brother, and to give you a little background on that relationship, he and I both served in the military as Chaplain Assistants from 2001 to 2005. We were both recruited on the same day, but he was still in braces and had to complete his orthodontic treatment before he could be sent to basic training. 

My brother is only 3 years older, but I have always seen him as a much older and wiser person than myself, partly because of his kind and calm demeanor, but also his ability to look at specific problems and respond with biblical solutions. He has been there for me through some very tough times, and I just want to be sure that you all hear the genuine respect I hold for him as an individual.

Our duties were the same in the military, we were responsible for setting up the space to hold religious services. We would also provide administrative and combative support to the chaplain when necessary.  I began telling him this morning what my topic for this week’s podcast would be. That I would be making a comparison of what society has experienced over the past couple of years with having a mental disorder, (specifically Borderline Personality Disorder.) He then asked me,  “Have you heard that they are going to bring institutions back to place “crazy people” in that go against them?” 



So I felt it important that I get this out, because well… They might lock me up soon.  I just want to say that what I am trying to get out to others will probably be censored or flagged as misinformation, all that I am sharing today are my own opinions and comparisons… Well most of us know, once you have been labeled as “crazy”it is hard to remove that label or to have other people take you seriously. 



(1st)

Ok… Ladies and Gents, humor me for a minute and imagine society as one being. Lets refer to humanity now as “Gertrude”  and poor Gertrude has just recently married a man that no one really knows all that well and we only know that he has a lot of mystery in his history. 

Within no time, we see Gertrude that had once been a happy and free spirit,to a recluse, unable to go to any social gatherings.  He was hiding her away.  The only reason he gave was that she was not well and had to stay indoors for her “health.” 

Then the man she married all of a sudden begins to strip her of her ability to speak on her own behalf, answering every question she was asked with a scripted answer from a “higher authority”  Gertrude’s friends became concerned for her well being, but knew that there was little that they could do for her.  So they did nothing and said nothing. He would now be the one to make all of her decisions for her, because he said that he knew what would be  most suitable for her. Gertrude by this point had been convinced that she was also going crazy, because that is what he would say to her anytime she disagreed or questioned him.  During this time, Gertrude was given a test result that now showed that she was positive for the “deadly virus” .She was told that  the only hope of surviving this illness was to take a jab that hadn’t been fully tested or risk the possibility of succumbing to this “novel” illness. 

Gertrude discovers that because of her time living in a toxic environment she had officially started to question her own sanity. She knew that she didn’t like the environment, but found it impossible to run away from it, his toxicity had permeated everywhere, those that she thought were friends, had turned their backs to her. Believing his narcissistic lies, over her truths.   


So… Here is Gertrude truly experiencing gaslighting, coercion, loss of autonomy and identity.  Gertrude shows how one can develop a mental health disorder living in an intentionally toxic environment. Gertrude is trying to separate from this mysterious man at the moment… So we shall have to wait and see how the story plays out, but I hope we can agree that Gertrude needs to move along on a new path.  

(2nd) Inspiration for the story…

So for the past couple of years we have all had to make some pretty crazy concessions or lifestyle modifications to simply survive the infected landscape that covid provided. It birthed chaos and complexities onto our simple reality, the events that occurred as a side-effect of covid have been tremendous and unlike any many people had ever experienced.  

I immediately started to notice that there were some striking similarities between the elected official handling of the events and a highly toxic environment. They were delivering a lot of insulting remarks to people that questioned them and continued to offer one-sided demands without possibility of discussion or debate. (Let’s just say I was quite familiar with this dance and it immediately stood out like a red-flag to me!)The intention here was to make the individuals that questioned  their motives appear to be crazy, it also frightened others from speaking out. No one likes to be labeled as crazy, it reduces their thoughts and opinions to nonsense, even if it isn’t.  This very same thing happens in Narcissistic relationships.

The similarities that I was quick to notice, were the insults towards those that questioned provided guidance and information, as well as the blatant disregard for human immunities or liberties.  The other red flags were the simultaneous attacks on our rights, more specifically the right to free speech and the right to bear arms.  At this very same time, we were dealing with a global pandemic, which turned out to be a “designer illness” waging an attack on everyone’s physical health.

 Being a veteran of war… I felt we were being attacked on multiple fronts, I was only aware of two specific attacks at this time, one being the psychological and the other being biological.  I was arriving at these conclusions based solely on my feelings and prior experience with toxic relationships, but it was evident to me that something bad was at play.  Which led me to write the story about Gertrude. (*disclaimer, I am not referring to anyone bearing the name of Gertrude.) Have a Nice Day!











Alright it’s time for our Byte of Insight

I am just going to make a few comparisons from this story to mental health. So in the story you heard gaslighting, I’ve put a definition on my blog. Michellefightsbpd.com 

This definition was provided by google


Gas·light   *definition provided by Google Dictionary.

/ˈɡasˌlīt/

verb

gerund or present participle: gas-lighting

  1. manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.: “in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband” “we are being gaslit about our health on a grand scale by these people”.



The second comparison to mental health is when you survive a toxic environment for a while you start to develop ways to cope or survive that environment. So while it may seem that society or Gertrude was just going along with everything she was simply just trying to survive, but she was surviving in an environment that was intentionally toxic. And so we need Gertrude to get out of that environment and to see for herself that there is a healthier path, a healthier way to live her life. 

So the story for Gertrude may seem a bit familiar and I have even left many events out of the story.  The villains in this fairy tale chose to instill fear, to replace her logic center with an”other perception” and that  “following safe guidance” would save her life, that the removal of her personal autonomy would now be replaced with a new and more effective governance that would keep her alive.  

My conclusion: Society has developed a mental illness without any hope of a cure.  Well just like Borderline Personality Disorder doesn’t yet have a cure, I don’t truly believe that there isn’t a cure.  Or that those dealing with BPD actually need to be cured, but rather their toxic environment needs to change.  I believe that there is, and the elements that bring us closer to that healing have always been; truth, goodness, and love! I am uncertain why society or Gertrude in this instance had to endure emotional, psychological and physical abuse, but I am sure that we are all trying to recover from enduring a very toxic relationship over the past couple of years, and that we all put blind faith and trust in an entity with evil intent.  No matter what name we bestow onto society at this point, I personally wanted to acknowledge that we were gaslighted and ridiculed when we questioned their motives.  I am still holding onto hope that we can yet again achieve peace and real health & that more and more people become aware of the root of this mental illness and to combat it with truth, compassion and understanding.  

Announcements:

I moved my dates to air the podcast to Monday, this gives me all of Friday and the weekends to record, edit and add if needed. This will be every other week.  SO be looking for the next episode the following monday.  So start looking for the show to air on Mondays, we all need a reason to like Mondays just a little bit more.  

We have another Guest Speaker on the calendar and is set to air in February, which is perfect because I have loved her positive take on Borderline Personality Disorder.  She has held roles as a mental health supervisor, suicide crisis counselor, psychotherapist, art therapist, and trainer to therapists and coaches. She is an author and you can find her literature when you visit her site eggshelltherapy.com  WE are certainly excited to be adding her to our upcoming schedule. 

Closing: Thanks so much for tuning in we have come to the end of the podcast. What did you learn? Who can you share this podcast with? If this resonates with your spirit or makes you think of a certain someone that has experienced similar issues in their life, please share this with them.  I believe mental health is something that we are overlooking on a massive scale and in order for people to heal we need to be able to speak about this openly and honestly.I hope you are excited about Season 2 of “The World in Black & White”  and until next time choose truth, goodness, and love. 


Crisis Help Line: If you are dealing with matters of life that have left you feeling defeated or overwhelmed, I want you to know that sometimes we are able to lift each other back up to fight again.  If you are currently in a place of troubled thoughts, please don’t waste another minute and just reach out.  There are people that want to help.  Please call 988 to speak with someone that can help you find necessary resources or listen to a person that simply wants to help you through your current situation.  

What happens when a person calls 988?

Those who call 988 will hear a greeting message while their call is being routed to a local crisis center within the Lifeline network, based on the caller’s area code. A trained crisis counselor then takes the call, listens to what is being said to get a better understanding of how their problem is affecting them, provides support and connects them with resources as necessary. If a local counselor is not available, the person calling will be routed to a national backup crisis center. Longer term, the system is intended to link 988 callers to community-based providers who can deliver a range of crisis care services, including mobile crisis teams and stabilization centers. 

If texting makes you feel more comfortable please text 62640 (between the hours of 10am-10pm ET)
If you are currently in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 | Text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling | If calling 911: Ask for a Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) Officer

You Aren’t “Awake” If You’ve Agreed To Be “WOKE!”

Let’s pretend you have just been “woke up” well that means your present status is no longer “woke” it would now be “awake.” You can only be “woke” if you are still sleeping. So let us all wake up for a moment, and check in on reality for a bit.

Some people will never wake up! Others will only wake once the blasts of war become the alarm clocks as explosions are happening all around them and their families! Don’t be that guy/girl!

The purchased/orchestrated media would like everyone to believe that “wokeness” is spreading throughout the veins of our country at supersonic speeds. This is simply not true, they have only created a decoy or distraction for us to focus our attention on while they continue to dismantle our country. The main issue we have as a country, the one that needs to be resolved, is within our own governing body. That issue is greed.

Our main issue…

No matter what side of the aisle you have decided to stand on, that side is no longer working for the prosperity of our country or its citizens any longer. They are only motivated by personal prosperity. Most of our so-called civil servants have been bought and paid for, which means they are not our servants any longer, but serve another master.

How many crimes do you see?

More and more citizens are becoming aware of the many violations and crimes that have already been committed by the over extended & the intimidating reach of our government . Dr. James Hollis said “We are governed by politicians whose survival as politicians depends on stoking those fears.” They need a fearful mass of voters so they can keep up appearances as the only ones bold enough to stand up and protect the citizens. It turns out that this is all a show. The only ones we need protection from are their greedy asses. In recent years, it has become more than evident that they are not protecting us, but they have sold their allegiances to the highest bidder.

This is not uncommon. Ask Captain Jack Sparrow.

Many people are realizing that we all have more in common now than what they would have us believe. Most people I have encountered, are for tolerance and inclusion. The ideologies pushed onto us by this administration are telling good people to tolerate and include immoral & even predatory ideologies . Awakening Americans are discovering one major commonality right now, and that is we are all under attack. All of humanity must resist this tyrannical movement of evil. How do we resist?

I feel these simple steps will prove to be the path back to goodness.

Step 1. Start with pointing out right from wrong. Do your best to choose more right, than wrong. Choose truth over deception, and goodness over evil.

Step 2. Is more than difficult to accomplish, but absolutely necessary to become what we need to truly win over our enemies. Love! Love everyone! Create a desire within yourself that hopes & believes that others will flourish.

Step 3. Share your honesty and wipe fear from your vocabulary. Be bold and specific with your words, they are powerful.

Step 4. Remove yourselves from the mind control of social media, our souls have been consumed with nonsense. Get back to nature.

Step 5. Place the highest priority on teaching your children how to sustain life, and talk to them about the importance of family.

Step 6. Each person should take a deep look on the inside before accusing the world of being a terrible place. We all have the ability to make the world a better place, we just need to accept that as one of our own responsibilities.

As a country and on a global scale, the people should make it clear that we are smarter than what they report on the news. That we were born into this world as autonomous beings, with God-given authority over our own lives. Most people given the choice of living under someone else’s authority or their own, would choose to be self-governing. They are hoping to stoke the flames of division and instigate a war between “conservatives vs. liberals.” We are wise to your playbook, thanks to history and brave individuals risking their lives or livelihoods to bring about clarity and awareness to the absolute corruption that has been presiding over us for longer than we would care to say out loud. Yes, we are going up against an evil opponent, but that opponent is not “the left” or “the right.” We need to activate our memory and hone in on survival skills. Speak to your neighbor, and break down political fences. The many injustices that have befallen humanity in just a few years must not continue any longer. They want to keep us divided because UNITED we are strong!

Like an “evil virus” purely focused on destroying our immune systems. We should now know that this specific narrative was designed to destabilize every system that sustains our way of life. This destabilization or “invocation of chaos” has cursed all of us, each and everyone, in every part of the world! All of us!


“That of which we are not aware, owns us.”

James Hollis, PH. D.

How will we fight anyone with a weaker more sensitive military force? One of my favorite modern scholars, said something like this and I’m paraphrasing…

The answer to chaos isn’t order, but love. Love is simply wanting other beings to flourish.

Dr. Jordan Peterson

His words aren’t hard to comprehend, but imagine a world where everyone did comprehend the meaning of wanting all beings to flourish. I want you to flourish. I work daily to flourish. I teach in order to help others flourish, and the chaos we are experiencing now makes it hard for anyone to flourish. We must remember that when we interact with people that may express opposing opinions or ideas, to stand firm in TRUTH.

Their mission seems to be clear, tear apart the systems that make America a great place to exist. They have also forgotten that the critical mechanism that makes America magnificent are it’s people, especially it’s patriots.

I’m curious how much longer we will tolerate this corruption within our system before we launch our own vaccines against this virus called “wokeness”

 {Wokeness - symptoms that may occur if you are combatting this illness may include, but are not limited to; believing mainstream media, confusion,  believing propaganda over fact, unable to see fact or understand logic, sleepwalking, sleep talking, never answering direct questions with any honesty, and lastly still saying everything is fine, because now someone is using your preferred pronouns.Rare instances of gender confusion may occur}
“Wokeness” may look something like this—>Vice President Biden nods off while former President Obama tells a story.

I believe anyone left in this country that has been able to look beyond the veil will tell you, this isn’t an administration that has the best interest of our country in mind. I’ve been wrestling this present illness everyday and have concluded that the most effective prescription that will eradicate “wokeness” is a huge dose of truth (light). Darkness retreats from the light. A splash of presence/awareness of mind/body/spirit. We are in the middle of a war, not just on the American way of life, but life in general. It seems anyone that speaks up to warn other people, are silenced. I’m on no other media platforms, so if I’m silenced here, the censorship has made its way to the blog space! The amazing thing about truth… it will always find its way to the surface.

Here is the truth, there is no prevailing racial injustice. There is just an overall tide of injustice, and it’s sweeping over our entire world. Historical legends are rolling over in their graves right now, sickened by the present condition of their country. Fallen soldiers (brave biological men & brave biological women) are asking why the America they fought for would so easily relinquish their liberties? Why? We have seen liberty struck down for an entire nation, these adjustments were made to appease a group of delusional people & these new adjustments to law, are in fact limiting the individual’s autonomy & their personal decisions over their body and what can be allowed/permitted to happen to them as a “free” individual. Individuals have been denied medical/religious exemptions for vaccines. This meant these individuals that refused the jab based on personal medical reasons or religious beliefs risked losing their livelihood, for their choice/right to not consent to an emergency authorized drug. All were told that letting them go would be the next course of action, if they didn’t do what the government mandated.This eliminated freedom for many, as many didn’t do as they were told, as they stood their ground their grasps clenched even tighter to the rights expressed in the U.S. Constitution. Now more and more people are waking up!

Nuremberg Code

When people agreed to take an ineffective shot, one that does not live up to it’s hype, they relinquished (surrendered) their own immunities (liberties) for a false sense of security. In fact, many have died after receiving the shot, and some might even conclude that it was the shot that killed the person. We have seen liberty struck down time and time again as any & all facts challenging mainstream media are removed from social media platforms. A child’s right to be an innocent child has been stolen in some parts of the country, and the few parents that were “awake” to fight the evil were then persecuted publicly with biased coverage, and then put in a state of fear by their own government calling them “domestic terrorists” This label slapped on them simply for standing up to protect their children from a very real danger in America. The danger; the inability to discern fiction from non-fiction, the false from the truth… so since some may still be in the dark, let’s choose to wake up and stop them from changing the definition of everything in our reality that relates to our biological makeup & our God-given rights.

Everything our government has offered the American people as far as “leadership” has not created any positive changes. They enhanced the chaos in our lives to come in and say, “do what we tell you to correct the chaos.” The main thing they should do is excuse themselves from telling people what to do with their lives. Quit forcing things into our bodies that we don’t need or want. Quit placing themselves as the final authority in our lives. That role has already been filled, and we are not accepting any further applicants.

Recipe:People Pleaser, Yields 1

www.youtube.com/watch

After watching the above YouTube video the following thoughts emerged. As I continue on my journey of self acceptance and self love… I dig much deeper into my childhood and realize now that there are very specific details that helped make me into a “super people pleaser!”

Want to know how one becomes a “super people pleaser?” Here is a short list of things that I have personally identified as common things people may have experienced or endured, which increases the likelihood of becoming a super people pleaser.

Ingredient #1] stress on the mother during pregnancy. This is said to release more cortisol levels for the unborn child. (Some have also said that this can create emotional disregulation because the unborn child is receiving too much of that stress hormone in utero that it literally messes with the design of the brain.)

Ingredient #2] place him/her in an environment that is strict and also stingy with positivity.

My mom and dad… What a long story. First of all, bless their hearts. I know that they were doing their best! I can honestly say that now after being a parent now for over a decade, & looking back at my mistakes in parenting. It’s not an easy job. Anyone that says otherwise is in denial. Trust me!

Ingredient #3] praise the child only when they do exactly what you want them to do.

Growing up I was constantly told to listen. I grew up with a very authoritative dad & my mom was just enough of an authoritarian that whatever she demanded, we delivered. She made sure that we listen to her and that we weren’t allowed to have our own opinions on things like food or clothing, anything really. We were always told “you’ll take what you can get & like it.” A seriously dangerous mantra from my childhood, and I just realized this is the reason I have a hard time making decisions for myself now in my 38th year of life. Doing what I want to do seems like an action for royalty, not me. If you treat your children like peasants they will expect bread crumbs, but will settle for any piece of the crust when it is presented. It will not matter if it is their piece of the pie or not they just want more than crumbs. They want to believe that they are worth more than crumbs. This idea that they aren’t able to make decisions for themselves leaves them listening to others needs and wants while suppressing their own. Ignoring the voice that makes them unique and authentic. This idea that they are unable to access this voice and be heard has been ingrained into their brain as if to know that the voice/desire to have what they want is there, but it is out of order. The child continues through life looking to everyone else for the answers and listening to “these so called answers” even to their own demise. Because their core value or belief of who they are rests on the belief that “you are only a good kid if you do what you are told.”

Well that was enlightening. Illuminating for myself even.

2020 has been quite the ride. We have been diligently working on remodeling our home. We are nearing completion and have redone every room of the house. I will be posting photos soon of all the changes. I will be very happy to complete this huge project, it has been a difficult one.

Happy Holidays everyone! I’m praying for a peaceful 2021!

How Comfortable Are We With Honesty?

man and woman wearing brown leather jackets
Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

How many times have you been in a conversation that ended up in an argument because one of you was just honest? I have had many conversations recently where I had to hear truth, I mean hard to swallow, HONESTY! I felt like saying, “keep those things to yourself and lie to me.” My ego may be just a bit too fragile. I can add here that anything that is negative sounding honesty I say the person is just being mean, because I have an internal struggle with portraying perfection. I really had to take a good long look at myself and understand that while the truth is hard to hear, this is where growth happens. I know the difference of being mean and being honest. The person that told me these things was not trying to be mean. They wanted me to look at things from their perspective. Empathy is not a strength for a person that has BPD. Their is a liberating feeling that comes from accepting the truth about who you are, then realizing people do exist in the world that will love you for ALL that you are!

I have had to hear that I am “selfish, deceptive, cold, cruel, heartless, not able to love, irresponsible, unreliable, impulsive, brash, blunt, a procrastinator, unaware of myself and unable to see how my actions affect others, and last but not least, crazy.”   I have also heard all of these things from one person, my husband.  He has been with me for 11 years, he knows me.  He would surely give me an accurate description of who I am, right?  An honest description of how he views me.  I can accept these things now, before accepting my disorder, I would try to defend these things about myself. Who wants to be seen like this?  I will tell you… No one, we all try to show the pretty side of ourselves to the world.  Our “Parade-ready, big smiles and incessant waving” self for the world and save the “Messy bed-head, no make-up, sweat-pants wearing” self for those closest to us.

I can not change these things unless I first accept that these are things that are also in my toolbox.  I can be selfish, deceptive, cruel, heartless, not able to love, irresponsible, unreliable, impulsive, brash, blunt, a procrastinator, unaware of myself and unable to see how my actions affect others, and last but not least, crazy.”  Just because I can be like this, doesn’t mean that I have to be.  The other side of this truth is that I have heard that I can be the most fun-loving person, too friendly at times, too trusting, non-judgmental, hilarious, imaginative, creative, and full of potential, I have been told that I am a great teacher, a great writer, a wonderful wife and mother, a good person.  I want to think these are the only things that people experience of me.  The truth is, it’s not.  If you have known me for some time you have seen the bright shiny parade, and you have also seen the dark and gloomy, couch potato.  img_0395

Of course we love having people tell us what we want to hear about ourselves.  To only reflect our “parade-ready” selves to help add layers of protection to our egos.  If you don’t have someone in your life to put aside the bull-shit and give you the full list of how they see you, I don’t imagine you will ever grow or evolve from the person you are now.  If you have someone in your life that can speak honestly about all that they see in you, tell them Thank You!  They are helping you become who you were meant to be.  I am writing this and thinking at the very same time that I have not been very thankful for honesty in my life.  I have been so good at deceiving others and had relied on the power of creating my own truth for so long that I have been depriving the world of who I truly am, plain and simply put… I can be ME and you can be YOU!  Enjoy looking into your tool box and picking out the best tools for the job you have ahead of you today.  You are the creator of your daily masterpiece, what will you create? Please remember that honesty works both ways, share your honesty with others not to impede their growth.

The old saying goes “Only a true friend would be that honest!”  I have been the topic of much gossip in the town where I live now, and my little hometown. Obviously the choices I have made in life, my journey including my mistakes have made my life quite juicy with erotic undertones and misunderstood obstacles.  The better the gossip king/queen, I assume the more my name has passed through their lips.  I know that my life may be interesting, but let me be a true friend today and tell you this.  If you aren’t accepting your own truths about your life and all the flaws that make you who you are, don’t attempt to share anyone else’s.  That is all!  Life is too short to only focus on the negative parts of our journey, learn your lessons and move on.  The struggles that lie ahead await your new found strength.  Let this be a lesson to others, that I have had to learn the hard way.  Be a true friend, everyday… and be the truest of friends to yourself!

This post was motivated by the last two weeks of my life and a couple of conversations I have had with some friends. I haven’t stopped writing, I just stopped writing in my blog to work on a life-long dream of writing a book. The words just started flowing the other day and I didn’t want it to stop. I have made it to the start of Chapter 3 with only 50 more chapters to write. I can’t wait to complete this project, one that I have always wanted to accomplish. I am a person that has always loved to get lost in books, and could travel to other parts of the world through pages in a book. I hope to provide this sort of travel to my future readers. Thanks for stopping by and I hope that you have received something from my words today.

I honestly hope you all have a wonderful day!

Baseball & It’s Lessons – “Little League Version”

My boy had a baseball game the other day.  They lost to a really good team.  The boys as young boys do, made mistakes.  It isn’t uncommon for them to do this.  They are learning and mistakes are great teachers.  The pitcher, one of the boys that has been with the team since it started, was on the mound.  He was doing so well.  Then after one player gets on base, his head starts to lower.  His normally healthy confidence starts to diminish a bit. My thoughts… “So what, he walked a player.” The game continues. Yells from the crowd, “You got this!  Keep your head up!” can be heard.  He throws a strike.  The crowd rewards his immediate resiliency.  He continues to pitch.  The team played hard and still came up short.  My son cried, other team mates cried.  Not from losing the game, but because of mistakes and shortcomings.  This is not a time for tears boys.  Learning is happening.

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I always ask my son to rate his performance after a game.  I ask him, “did you feel you gave it a 100%.”  He is always so honest.  He will say “maybe 85% or 90%.”  I then ask, “What is stopping you from giving 100%.  He sometimes tells me the mistakes he made that he could have reacted quicker to avoid the mistake.  Umm, yeah… Maybe!  Or just realize that these type of things happen and that we aren’t perfect.  We aren’t always going to hit a homer or get amazing plays.  Sometimes the ball just bounces out of our gloves or we trip in an attempt to snatch the ball and make an out.

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If you showed a highlight reel of my life it might appear that I have everything going great.  Add in the real elements… The blooper reel, and now you see that I am just a person trying to figure out the game.  I may be going at it giving anywhere from 85-100%, but there are some things out of our control.  I have to remind myself of this when watching my little guy play ball.  He isn’t always going to perform the way that I know he can.  The important thing is that he realizes that even after a mistake, life goes on.  It is what we take from the mistake that forces change in our lives.

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Even though not everyday will be a grand slam, I know that I can do my part to contribute to my team (my family)  If all I can do that day is cheer.  I will do my best to cheer them on.  If I can make a play that helps us win, I make the play.  If I mess up and start thinking that the team would be better off without me… I will listen to the words from the crowd that day… “You got this! Keep your head up!”

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I love watching my son play baseball and I am excited and encouraged by his growth in this sport.  If he doesn’t play professional baseball someday, it will not hurt my feelings.  I know that this sport has already taught us both so much.

THUNDER UP BABY!  I love our team!

PHOTO CREDIT – All photos besides the selfie were taken by the coach’s wife! She did an amazing job and I love all the images she captured. Thank you Esther!

Mindful Moment

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I had a doctor’s appointment today, so I decided to put into practice a few things that I have been reading in the book I just started.  I will be writing my review on the book soon.  The book was suggested to me by my kid’s counselor, “One Minute Mindfulness.”  Did you know you could change your life in 60 seconds? Yeah… Me either. I have been trying to get a lot of things accomplished at home and Summer baseball is in full swing (pun intended.)  Organizing and such before school starts back for the kids & I in August.  That is correct, you heard me right.  I will still be working as a teacher.  Assignment pending, but most likely not with elementary students.  Praise the good and gracious LORD! He has been with me through some of the darkest times.

MINDFUL MOMENT

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The wind & small leaves work together, creating a small symphony.

Starting at the tip top of the surrounding trees, feel that breeze.

They create a sound similar to that of great applause.

They show their joy for this moment I took to pause.

I am present in this moment, I am aware

I hear the birds all around me, their beautiful song

And a greater presence joins, or maybe it’s been here all along.

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I feel the birds know that I envy their existence.

boasting their worry-free life, allowing me but a glimpse.

They swoop down for a quick breakfast on my lawn

As the glistening dew reflects the dawn.

The way they can see into each tiny hiding place

Makes me give a moment to this creature’s natural grace

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To fly above the world, a glorious view

warm rays of sunshine, brilliant skies of blue

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The working bird, yields a nest

picking up remnants of a forgotten mess

A small bundle of twigs, a few pieces of string

patiently waiting for the new life it will bring

The moment of listening to the leaves today

takes me to a place of gratitude, and I pray

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I pray for my family and for my friends

I hope they know the love I have for each of them.

Life is full of beautiful moments such as this,

Don’t let them pass you by, an always fleeting bliss.

Hold dear to those you love and tell them everyday

Sweet friends, in this moment I learned to never forget the importance of play.1040564_10200707385820949_648089819_o

Play relieves the pain and sadness of this world

maybe tomorrow I will take a moment to pretend I’m a bird.

Written by: Michelle C

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