The Paralyzing Aspect of Anxiety… (Self-Help Saturday)

Anxiety…

The article above explains why repeated exposure to places, or events may help us manage our intense and anxiety-ridden feelings about those situations in a more confident manner.  This article supports the idea that allowing something to become habitual makes it a less stressful event.  The thing that most people do when met with a situation that creates a feeling of anxiousness or fear is to avoid it, so the feeling of vulnerability doesn’t overwhelm their senses.  Science says that one way to beat it, is to expose yourself to it, repeatedly.

I can remember being an elementary student that feared speaking at all, much less speaking in front of a classroom full of kids… I believed that this role took a very courageous individual.  I felt like all of my teachers must have been superheroes.  To be so confident, all were able to speak so freely and with so much authority.

ross teaching

I felt at that age, I would never be able to speak in front of people; however, I grew up. I had to take speech, sing in choir, and do some news anchor intern stuff for a college class.

old teacherEventually, after some time, I was the person standing in front of the classroom speaking to all of those  kids.  The crazy thing here is… I still feel like that elementary student at times when I am asked to speak in front of the same amount of adults.  I know where this fear stems from and I also know that I have the ability to overcome this fear.  I will overcome this fear with more exposure.  Just remember ANXIETY is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  We control so many other feelings, why do we let anxiety control us? Consider this anxious feeling I have about public speaking being comparable to paralyzing stage fright.

stage fright

There are several things that we may be asked to do throughout our day that could awaken overwhelming anxiety.  After all, anxiety is an emotion.  We can handle the emotions that bring about good feelings, and in life we learn to avoid those that bring about bad feelings.  The trick here is to learn what causes theses overwhelming emotions, be present when you are feeling them, and if need be take your mental focus to something in the situation externally that is more pleasant than what you are feeling internally.

I know that being bitten by a poisonous snake is something I have always feared.  I don’t imagine I will go handle snakes over and over until I am milking a viper.

viper milk

This fear doesn’t halt my everyday existence.  I know that each time I take a hike up a mountain or through high grass in a field someplace there is a chance that I will come into contact with a snake.  It doesn’t control my actions, I have a healthy fear of snakes.  There are those that are controlled by the emotional leash of anxiety.  This emotional leash of anxiety is one you can choose on how you would like to respond. It shouldn’t stop you from living.  Don’t become the pet on the end of the leash of anxiety.  We should remind ourselves that we are the owner.  The one in charge.  Thoughts and emotions shouldn’t paralyze us, ever.  Everything is always so much more aesthetic in theory and so much easier to say than to act on.  As I write this, I know how hard it will be to practice.  One step at a time, I don’t plan on jumping into a pit of snakes anytime soon.

Use your time to practice controlling that emotion.  If we can release the control it has over us by exposing ourselves to the things that limit our everyday existence.  Imagine all of the confidence gained from growing through the intense emotional control.  Be over anxiety, by allowing the feeling to pass.  Practice this and very little will be able to stop you.

Do you struggle with anxiety?  What are things that has halted you in your steps?  Have you ever tried to immerse yourself into that feeling to see how long it took for the feeling to go away?  I am asking for a friend.

Have a great day!

 

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Mental Health: Self- Eval Friday (4-20-18)

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Yes that is a potato, and yes those are fries. It is “Fry”day, after all! I’m sitting here waiting for my daughter to finish up dance rehearsal. I haven’t been too proud of my physical health this week. Every birthday, whether it be mine or any family member’s birthday I can find reason to justify my terrible eating choices. I haven’t exercised in over two months. I’m starting to see that my mental health is worse when I am not active. I will try my best to include physical activity into my daily schedule next week, and return to my diet plan.

Living with good intentions and living with the intent to be better are completely different. I can say. I went to the restaurant with good intentions to drink water and have a salad and the unhealthy stuff on the menu appealed to me more so I ordered that instead. OR- I can go into the restaurant and say this option would be better for me and order that to reap the benefits of your intent. When we have a reason or purpose we tend to stay a bit more focused on the small goals it takes to meet those goals. I need a good goal to get me back on track. I know that eating better and adding exercise will help my mental health as well.

(Article highlighted gives reasons how exercise helps mental health)

Eating Healthy

The thing that I hope to have accomplished by Sunday is a dream board that will give me goals to accomplish within a year. I will post pictures of my dream board, I feel  this will give me the motivation that I need and desire right now.

Our lives are defined by ourselves. Our attitudes and our beliefs determine our futures. I don’t want the reason I don’t reach my goals… to be from one reason-that I didn’t have a good attitude.

Cheers!

 

April 19th – My Birthday

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Wow, I’m still alive at 36. Today was a great day. Lots of birthday wishes… mostly given on social media- by people I never talk to, which is fine. I chose DONUTS for breakfast (apple fritters were amazing!) lil girl had dance rehearsal and then we had a baseball game- part of pre-season tournament for the league. My son did well. He is pretty consistent! We had a normal day. Truth be told that’s all I ever want is a normal day. And then…

I did feel left out today. Baseball moms had a couple drinks before the game, and I wasn’t included. I take these kinds of things really hard. I guess I just want the opportunity to decline the invitation. I know why I wasn’t invited, what I’ve done  is too much for people to understand. I am not able to drink on my medication is my go to excuse. Socially, I still struggle. I wear a coat and mask of confidence and tell myself. I’m sure their “dirty laundry” stinks worse than mine! They just haven’t had all of their laundry hung out in full exposure, like me. My life is slowly returning to normal… I just have to remind myself that this takes time.

Well at least one of the moms asked me how things were going, after the game. I even got a hug out of it. That was nice. I came home and couldn’t knock the feeling of being a failure. It was overwhelming. It was brought on so suddenly. I let the feeling win. Even though I didn’t want to. It really was a nice day to turn 36… I’m getting older and being intentional about getting wiser.

Repeating this statement today;

I am not a failure, I will overcome all of this! I will work Beary hard! 801119D1-5891-41EA-8962-103D5859A5A2

PODCAST II : Diagnosis & Acceptance

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Want to know the start of my BPD journey and continuous battle…

Listen to Podcast here…

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

Literature Updates… “Are You Smart Enough to Work at Google?”

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First off, if genius is not book smarts, but defined as a person’s creativity; I could work here.  However, the more I read this book the more I realize the loads of information that is out in the world, that I have yet to learn.  Should I worry about all that I don’t know?  I do, a little!  I want to be an intelligent person, and something that stops me from going after more lofty goals, is the thought that I don’t know enough.  But then I turn my thoughts to appreciate the things that I do know.  I also appreciate the new things I am learning each day.  The thing I should remind myself is that I can still learn all that I will ever need to know.  Right?

I have made it to Chapter 6,  this chapter involves information about logic puzzles, and well since using logic to make decisions isn’t my strength… this might be why I am having difficulty finishing the chapter.  It is more difficult for me to understand.  It could also be that I started reading another book; and so that has caused me to put this book on hold at the moment.  I do like reading it though.  It makes you consider greater possibilities.  It makes me dream of working at a place that appreciates the quality minds that they have working for them.  I pushed my way through chapter 6.  I am glad I did.  It gave me a new way to organize my closet.  This information is vital for someone like me.  I have been working to change my habits though.  I know that I do not like living in disarray.  I am working to get everything just as I need it.

In the book they are still discussing the types of questions one could encounter during an interview with Google.  This type of question about closet organization is considered an algorithm question.  It says, “you have a closet full of shirts, and its very hard to find the one you want.  How would you organize the shirts for easy retrieval?”  The answers vary ranging from setting up a system similar to a dry cleaner’s retrieval system to just labeling and establishing storage bins. Arranging clothes from least popular on the bottom of the bin to most popular on top.  This will decrease the amount of time you waste rummaging through your clothes.  I want to do this now. Now, I just need to find the appropriate bins.

Maybe these…

Storage ideas… AMAZON

The other book I am reading “Choose The Life You Want” I have made it to Chapter 15.  The chapters are much shorter in this book and the messages much more concise.  This book has already helped me confront procrastination.  I know that I still have that tendency, but at least I know that I can take 5 minutes to just get the project started and I am more likely to finish.  I love the outcome of my newly painted living room.  The gray really feels nice, clean and welcoming.  I am excited to tackle other projects now.  I have several chapters to go, there are 101 chapters to the book.

This book is very helpful for someone suffering from depression, anxiety, and of course BPD.  Here is a list of contents.9187928B-D3EF-49E0-BEED-BDA58550800B

Tomorrow I will be posting my weekly podcast.  I will be including my personal story, what led me to being diagnosed.  What that did to me emotionally. How it has affected my kids and my husband.  I hope that everyone can check it out.  My hope is that I can bring insight to others who struggle with this disorder.  Pray that I  stick with my schedule of producing one per week.  I always hope to have a new podcast added by Wednesday.

Have a terrific Tuesday!

Sunday: A Day for the Soul (4-15-18)

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The manual my doctor skims through, the DSM-5

listing labels, he says, “point to the one that best describes.”

I felt like I was being quizzed, to see how well I knew myself.

Borderline Personality Disorder, eyes growing wide, did I pass the test?

Wait, what? How could this be? I love my personality.

How could there be something wrong with me?

Turns out my amygdala is smaller, and over-worked

causing my emotions to be intense, I look like the jerk.

That isn’t the only thing functioning incorrectly

My pre-frontal cortex, also known as the PFC

is a major culprit in the reasons behind BPD.

It keeps one from mediating their own choices.

Good and Bad, share the same voices.

It’s more than a matter of using your wise mind,

Our impulse is to react, without being kind.

This behavior sounds childish, you may even say!

these under-developed parts of my brain, are probably ok.

I am working very hard at beating this disorder,

I would love for my brain to grow, as I continue to get older.

I know that it has caused many disruptions in my life

Causing people that I love to endure unwarranted strife.

What I want for myself, is the same that I want for you

Help me see where I am weak, and believe in what I can do.

I have become aware of my tendencies and weaknesses

my impulsivity, my anger and memory losses.

walking numb through life, completely unaware

wasn’t producing anything worthy to share

I have been awaken to a whole new way of life

God didn’t forsake me, he has allowed me another chance to be a wife

a mother, a sister, a teacher. He has literally shaken me to the core

I am now so excited about all that He may have in store.

I know life is to short to be living in pain

so look away from the losses, and look forward to the gain.

 

 

#SelfhelpSaturday (4 – 14 – 18)

paint color

The above picture shows the color I chose for the living room. (Acier Gray: Sherwin Williams )

Late Friday night, I finished up painting two walls of my living room a beautiful matte gray.  The paint has a very neat and clean finish.  I chose a matte finish as it seems to be so pleasing and easy on the eyes.  Painting two walls doesn’t sound like much work to most who will read this blog… or may not even sound like much of an accomplishment. After moving the furniture, cleaning the walls, patching any screw or nail holes and taping off the trim/crown molding, I felt like I had completed a pretty intense project.  All while keeping a 3 year old, occupied. Of course she had to help mommy paint the walls.  She really did most of the painting, I just trailed behind her and spread all the globs out.  LOL!  My goodness, what I wouldn’t give for her level of energy again.

I was just looking up my color choice and found that there is a shade called : Mindful Gray.  That will be my next paint choice, maybe for the hallway.  Here it is pictured below.

mindful gray

I wrote about procrastination and a few methods that can help everyone to not put off projects until the last minute.  Rather, get started on those projects by diving in.  Stop putting things off.  Painting my living room was one of the projects I had been putting off.  It was the fault of my thoughts, obviously.  I had tossed around all the work that would be required to complete said project, and those thoughts bouncing around in my mind kept me from just diving in.

The beauty into diving into any project you may be avoiding, is of course that initial feeling of accomplishment once you complete it.  It also provides more energy within to tackle other things you have been avoiding.  It has a way of propelling us forward to complete tasks we once felt would be too much work.  Just being mindful about my attitude towards projects makes me aware of the priority of the task.  I have found if a task is mundane or redundant I will put it off until it absolutely has to be done.  I am hoping to change my attitude about these tasks.  If I am successful, dishes and laundry should be mostly done everyday.  LOL!

I know that I am not alone in my attitude with procrastination and the good feelings it can provide us after we have invested the hard-work required. sherwin williams

We had a ball tournament for my son this weekend and it was blistery cold.  The wind blowing at least 20-25 mph.  I nearly froze.  They ended up with the 2nd place title after losing the 2nd game on Saturday, then playing numerous games on Sunday (back to back) to get back to the championship game.  I know that my son was tuckered out. He fell asleep just as soon as he had some good food in his tummy.

On Saturday, after he had played a couple games we all sat down to eat a meal at a wonderful restaurant here in Oklahoma called, La Baguette.  The food is always amazing, and they ran out of our choice desserts before we were ready to order them.  We still found some delicious tasty treats to cure our sweet tooth.

la-baguette

I noticed that my son was being very quiet.  He is a normally very calm and quiet individual regardless and maybe this quiet is only noticeable to his mother.  At any rate, we started talking because I wanted to know what was on his mind.  He told me that he didn’t really want to play baseball anymore.  This actually wasn’t true once we talked it all out.  He was almost ready to make a decision based on how he was feeling.  He liked baseball.  The truth was he wasn’t too happy about a few things that happened with his performance and the reaction he received from his coaches.  I was able to talk him through it.  If I had not been mindful of his behavior, had I not been there to just listen to him and ask questions and use methods that I personally have to use he may not have understood what he was going through and could have performed poorly on Sunday.  His perception of the game would have been different and he may have felt that he was being forced to play.  I could see a remarkable difference in his performance on Sunday and I am proud of my son to see how sometimes feelings can get in the way, and it is helpful to talk about those feelings, to be heard, and to have those feelings validated.  I am so thankful for my babies and hope to continue working on myself so that I am walking proof that any one of us can overcome obstacles. The small ones, the big ones, the surprise ones.  I am helping myself today by staying focused on the little people that hold a huge place in my heart.

Have a great day!

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