A Day Behind… Literature Reviews

books-education-school-literature-48126.jpegI have made it to Chapter 64 in “Choose The Life You Want”  the chapters are delicious bite-size morsels. I enjoy chewing them slowly. I know you will too!

One of my favorites up to this point is Chapter 47. The title explains a lot “Lash Out at Those Close to You -or- Respect Those Close to You.” Summed up it means one person can’t be everything. “No one is perfect, no one has it all.”

I seriously need to remind myself of this, everyday. Not just for myself, but in my dealings with those closest to me. I know that I tend to lash out on those that hold the most intimate roles in my life. “I should instead highlight the traits that I admire and appreciate. Treating the person/s with the love and respect they deserve.”

I also need to do this when dealing with myself. Not expect perfection, but appreciate the traits that I admire about myself. Finally, treating myself with love and respect.

This is a work in progress, it’s very easy for me to forgive others and move on as I expect mistakes from others. Except, I have never been so forgiving of myself. Anyone that has followed my blog has been able to read of my mistakes and short-sighted reactions to life.

I am working at focusing time and attention on important facts when faced with decisions. I have been better at controlling my impulses, after forcing myself to think it through to the end result. This change in thinking has caused me to stop purchasing items that I like that don’t fulfill a need.

This is a short post today, I have stopped reading in the other book… only until I am finished with this one. I felt I should consolidate the amount I was focusing on all at once. I have also had a little bug this week and haven’t felt like doing a whole lot.

Have a great week! BEF9E28D-95F1-4297-AA2B-A4737A1DCA5C

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Sunday: A Day for the Soul… Part 4

Wow, this means that I have stuck with something on my own, without any external incentive for over a month.  I am pretty proud of myself.  I have realized a lot about myself over the past few months-  That there were definitely two things that I had lost over time which are taking time for myself then not feeling guilty, and to reflect on my own choices.  It is nice to force myself to remember these things on a daily basis. That self love and self care are a way of respecting yourself, and not a sign of being selfish. The better you care for yourself the better you will be able to take care of your loved ones.

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A Modern Day Tale ; How They Met!

 

I met him on an online rating site. (I know, how very romantic)

Checking things off the list…looking for my prince.

handsome, check

Smart, check

Tall, check

Now we just had to meet in person, right?

Is this wise, oh well! What the heck!

We meet at my work, late one night.

Easy to talk to, look at, wow! Could this be?

I will need another date, just to see.

We agree, this is something we did not expect.

We are “In Love!” How perfect!

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Thus begins the lifetime of carnival rides. 

all the unexpected surprises of life.

Not the kinds of rides that are well intended

The kinds of rides where your insides get blended

Although it’s all kind of blurry, he somehow still falls for me

We were quickly side by side, almost bound legally

but after one of you are safe within,  yes, born before we were wed.

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Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded wife?

To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?

As long as we both shall live?

He says yes,  and so do I,

You may now kiss the bride!

Don’t forget those mentioned carnival rides.

They never go away.

You’ll understand this someday.

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The twists and turns, the ups and downs that we continue to endure

Seeking now that our little family, feel stable and secure.

There are no fairy tales that warns you of this journey,

Only promises of the happily ever after glory, holy matrimony.

Never warning that some love stories may deal with disaster.

So we both continue looking for the happily ever after.

Missing out on the journey, only focused on the destination

I tried to pull the plug on our lives, twice, I turn in my resignation.

Only for it to be denied.pexels-photo-814796.jpeg

 

There are some things in fairy tales that do come true,

Prince Charming, is the person that can see right through you.

Your daddy rescued me, he rescued all of us,

I was spinning around on one of those rides,

and your daddy stayed much stronger than I

He looked deep inside himself, and held us together.

He says he will love all of us forever.

Don’t forget those carnival rides.

They never go away.

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So remember our love story, even the parts that aren’t so sweet.

The moments we learn from, the people we meet.

Don’t look to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White

They have never really lived any sort of life.

I am sure in some fairy tale land, far far away

They live happily to this very day

They only miss out on the journey

and all of the moments are what is necessary

to remind us of what makes us happy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

#Self Help Saturday- Happiness, Not For Sale!

The idea that “happiness” can be purchased, is what teams of advertisers want all consumers to believe.  Once we buy into that idea, the credit card companies jump on board to continue this false hope by allowing consumers the means to purchase more and more in order to eventually purchase happiness.

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I just did a google search for the word, “minimalism” my search was not birthed from my imagination.  I actually watched a documentary about “Minimalism” last night while enjoying dinner. Minimalism, would be  a complete lifestyle overhaul; one that only allows those things that are necessary for survival, or brings the person absolute joy.

pexels-photo-271722.jpegIt doesn’t mean that everything is absolutely bare, just the minimal amount necessary to live

As I have been studying myself, searching for who I am. Like an old gold-panner sifting through sand and rock searching for multi-sized, valuable gold nuggets.  I am finding my own nuggets.  All varying in size and value; I am realizing my beliefs, understanding the origins of my automatic thoughts, both negative and positive. I have also discovered that I choose my actions… While I have been busy panning for the gold nuggets internally, I have been sifting through the family dwelling, questioning the purpose of numerous bits of clothing and household items that only offer clutter.  The house is coming along and taking on a whole new feel.  My life is becoming more of what I want it to be. Intentional and full of purpose.  Happiness can be gift wrapped and placed inside shopping bags, but the happiness you thought you bought fades before the credit card bill even arrives in the mail.  A temporary good feeling, is not true happiness.  It is only a momentary high, a feeling someone can get from the hunt of a good bargain or obtaining a quality product that very few can afford.  So can true happiness be found in an exclusive brand or rummaging through the clearance aisle and the filling of a shopping cart?

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Or will it actually take removing all of those things, you once just had to have, before finding that lasting happiness we all so desperately seek?  Maybe we all have just been burying our own happiness.  Covering it all up with things, because society has amplified our needs to be more and have more.  I think I will start taking it upon myself to sell this idea… “You are enough, you are beautifully made and intricately designed to just be you. ”

I have been reading books on being mindful, and some of the useful bits I have found today say that we should try to appreciate what is around us, and to sit silently and meditate to find creativity awakened and to have energy levels replenished.  Find a natural setting that invites you to listen to the silence. Last step, just listen.

I think I am dealing with insomnia now, its 2 am and I need to be awake early tomorrow to be baseball mom for my son and fun mom for my lil girl.  I will try to lay down now to catch some shut eye.

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Good night all, and search yourself for that hidden happiness, it will be discovered for all of us I pray

 

 

Podcast #3 and My Self-Evaluation

 

happy cup

2 cups Podcast: Episode 3

 

I did notice today that I may in fact need friends for emotional support. I think I can handle a small circle of friends.  It was nice to see that she was doing so well.  I loved hearing about her sister, and the success she is finding in her young life.  I was sad to hear that her mom and dad are no longer with us.  It is crazy how easily we could talk about anything and everything.  It was like we hadn’t experienced any time apart.  I really enjoyed sharing the newly found self-awareness, I have recently experienced.  To hear that she had been making it through her own struggles made me aware of her strength.  She says to me, “Isn’t it crazy that life doesn’t ever turn out how you think it will?”  I replied with a nod of the head… “So true!” I am understanding now we all need friends, good friends, to make it through this thing called life.coffee

I have put so much pressure on my better-half, he has to be almost everything for me.  I know now that this amount of pressure on a person can’t be healthy, even though he has been doing an amazing job of getting me through these past couple of months since accepting my diagnosis.  I realize one person can’t be another person’s everything.  It is not healthy.  If you love the other person you wouldn’t want to put that amount of pressure on them, right?

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A friend that I have had since Junior High came to visit with her two babies today, and has always been a person I have never had to be false around.  She was one of the only people ever invited over to the run-down,  trailer house we called home.  It was refreshing to hear that she felt I was never dishonest around her.  I was like… “Yeah, but there are several ways I was being dishonest.  I would wear masks, and mirror individuals, and was deceiving myself.”  Luckily, she knows where I come from, she knows my heart and knows I have the ability to be brutally honest.  She had seen so much from me over the years, I could see that this was a little hard for her to believe now.  I love my friend, it felt nice to catch up, and I am truly thankful that she was there for me as a kid, and has reminded me that she is still here for me now.  Thank you!

small circle

Ok, so who else wants to join my exclusive circle of friends…  I have room for about 3 more, maybe?

Tell a friend that they are the reason you smiled today.  I bet it will make them smile too!

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Podcast #3 (coming soon)

pexels-photo-280345.jpegMy weekly schedule a little out of whack. getting back on track today. I may only have a few listeners out there among millions, but this commitment is really about me & my recovery. Learning to do what I say I will do is vital for my recovery.

Everyone say a quick prayer today. We all shall persevere!

Tuesday: Time for Literature Reviews

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I now carry a book with me wherever I go.  I never know when an opportunity to read will arise.  The book “Are You Smart Enough to Work at Google?”  sits inside the middle console of my truck.  The book, “Choose The Life YOU Want.”  is securely placed inside my purse.  I have found I like taking them with me.  A tangible goal always at the ready. I get much more satisfaction feeding my mind and mentally digesting something that is good for me. I have already spent so much of my time seeking that immediate and less satisfying mental fast food called social media.  It may feel good at the time, but it can often leave you feeling worse than when you just entered into that world to fight boredom or to keep the social media withdrawals at bay. It was bloating my mind. I now notice that if I am on those apps it is to only make a post or seek out positive messages.  I read with intent.  I must practice this everyday, and that is the life I choose.  I want to live intentionally.

“Choose The Life You Want”

Chapter 30  (Establish Your Superiority – or- Make others feel good)

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

I love this quote and the thoughts that it provokes.  It shows that how we treat others is really the most important thing.  Relationships have always been a weakness of mine.  A byproduct of Borderline Personality Disorder.  I bring people in quick and expect them to take care of the relationship.  I really spend very little time maintaining friendships.  It isn’t that I don’t love my friends.  I am often found searching my brain and my soul.  These activities are isolating activities, and the only person that I have found that enjoys searching my mind and soul as much as I do is my counselor.  I have to pay her to feel that way though. I feel that realizing the importance of healthy relationships with people that I love requires work on my part as well.  The more I work on this the more I grow. I have been developing emotionally these past few months and I can feel it.  I love being aware of myself.  Before accepting that I was standing in my own way, I believed that I could do almost anything on my own.  That was an ignorant and obvious self-deceptive justification.  We may be capable of doing things on our own, but doing life with people that you love and love you is much more fulfilling, and it also shows you the areas in your life that need nurturing, that need support, that also those things you may have allowed into your life that need to be removed.

I have been reading these books a bit slower than I normally read, because I am also studying each chapter, letting it melt in my mind to savor the flavor of each meaningful word. After this I can choose to prescribe certain things to my daily routine.  I have noticed that it is causing many changes to occur.  I love that it is.  I am feeling more in control and less at the mercy of my mental inefficiencies.

If you are searching for a way out of the blah, reach for a good book about being mindful.  It is helping me everyday.  It isn’t a sprint.  Savor the flavor.

Have a wonderful day!

 

Sunday: A Day for the Soul (Part 3)

pexels-photo-277371.jpegTick-Tock

Time, constantly fleeing from me,

I’ve chased it, I chase it, I am chasing.

Don’t waste valuable minutes retracing. stained-glass-spiral-circle-pattern-161154.jpeg

What started as a game, leads me down a spiral staircase,

Feeling sick and scared, I hate this game of chase.

Why won’t it just stop & discuss things, face to face?

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Time never tires and the wind never leaves it sails…

I can run until I collapse, my mind and body fails

Play this game of chase again? only time will tell…

As I grow older, I am so focused on finding more time.

Catching only a minute to take in the sunshine.

A second to breathe, a second to unwind.

I am seduced by the thought of winning the game.

It taunts me everyday, screaming out my name.

Every second changes me and time remains the same

I charm the seconds to convince them that I am worthy.

But they soon realize my request is self-serving.

Time can’t be caught, for it is always fleeing.

You will only catch a few seconds, before they disappear.

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Time is making it more and more clear…

That time isn’t something to be feared.

Time plays games, a champion of hide & seek.

I call “time-out” only it can’t hear me.

Is my desire to catch time sought selfishly?

This thought leaving me confused and concerned.

How much more will it take before I learn?

Time isn’t something I must work hard to earn.

It was given to us, a gift from heaven sent.

That time isn’t running from us, only a tool for measurement.

The decisions I have made are measured in moments.

I choose my moments, how long I will stand in the sun.

I know now that time works for me, but always on the run.

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