As I’m contemplating my day… this is what I heard the universe teaching me.
When a person decides to have and raise children, the parent usually experiences a bit of relief from child-rearing around 18ish. This may even occur much earlier, when the child hits the time of adolescence or perhaps even sooner, forced by environment.
When a child is then expected to raise a parent, there is no chance of relief! There will definitely not be any voluntary relief given from the parent to the child. The only relief will be the relief given when the child forces the parent away from their rearing! Like a good momma cat would at the first sign of the kitten taking care of themself. This interaction exhausts the responsible child “child-parent”and over time creates anger, resentment and bitterness. Everytime the parent “parent-child”literally & figuratively pulls up into the driveway, the child-parent begins to anticipate the need/s from the “parent-child”The body physically responds just as a new mother would respond if their angry, crying infant were laying down beside them. Quickly and with every intent on calming the baby’s need.
Every nerve of the nervous system tenses up on alert & with each pulse, a release of cortisol occurs followed by the intense anxiety. The “child-parent” having been trained to respond quickly to “parent-child’s” needs knows to react with haste. Fix the problem, stop the cries. “Parent-child” remains completely unaware of the burden and stress they are placing upon their own child. They may even say, “I thought you said that you would take care of me?” The parent-child is saying, “you can’t stop taking care of me, I still need to be taken care of.” The “child-parent” in absolute agony rips the “parent-child” from her breast and says “you are sucking the life out of me! Go take care of yourself!” That what she said as a child can by no means be held over her & that by some unspoken cosmic rule she would always be held responsible for your mishaps.
What contract did the “child-parent” unknowingly agree to? The “parent-child” knew exactly what they were doing and just didn’t care.
Let’s pretend you have just been “woke up” well that means your present status is no longer “woke” it would now be “awake.” You can only be “woke” if you are still sleeping. So let us all wake up for a moment, and check in on reality for a bit.
Some people will never wake up! Others will only wake once the blasts of war become the alarm clocks as explosions are happening all around them and their families! Don’t be that guy/girl!
The purchased/orchestrated media would like everyone to believe that “wokeness” is spreading throughout the veins of our country at supersonic speeds. This is simply not true, they have only created a decoy or distraction for us to focus our attention on while they continue to dismantle our country. The main issue we have as a country, the one that needs to be resolved, is within our own governing body. That issue is greed.
Our main issue…
No matter what side of the aisle you have decided to stand on, that side is no longer working for the prosperity of our country or its citizens any longer. They are only motivated by personal prosperity. Most of our so-called civil servants have been bought and paid for, which means they are not our servants any longer, but serve another master.
How many crimes do you see?
More and more citizens are becoming aware of the many violations and crimes that have already been committed by the over extended & the intimidating reach of our government . Dr. James Hollis said “We are governed by politicians whose survival as politicians depends on stoking those fears.” They need a fearful mass of voters so they can keep up appearances as the only ones bold enough to stand up and protect the citizens. It turns out that this is all a show. The only ones we need protection from are their greedy asses. In recent years, it has become more than evident that they are not protecting us, but they have sold their allegiances to the highest bidder.
This is not uncommon. Ask Captain Jack Sparrow.
Many people are realizing that we all have more in common now than what they would have us believe. Most people I have encountered, are for tolerance and inclusion. The ideologies pushed onto us by this administration are telling good people to tolerate and include immoral & even predatory ideologies . Awakening Americans are discovering one major commonality right now, and that is we are all under attack. All of humanity must resist this tyrannical movement of evil. How do we resist?
I feel these simple steps will prove to be the path back to goodness.
Step 1. Start with pointing out right from wrong. Do your best to choose more right, than wrong. Choose truth over deception, and goodness over evil.
Step 2. Is more than difficult to accomplish, but absolutely necessary to become what we need to truly win over our enemies. Love! Love everyone! Create a desire within yourself that hopes & believes that others will flourish.
Step 3. Share your honesty and wipe fear from your vocabulary. Be bold and specific with your words, they are powerful.
Step 4. Remove yourselves from the mind control of social media, our souls have been consumed with nonsense. Get back to nature.
Step 5. Place the highest priority on teaching your children how to sustain life, and talk to them about the importance of family.
Step 6. Each person should take a deep look on the inside before accusing the world of being a terrible place. We all have the ability to make the world a better place, we just need to accept that as one of our own responsibilities.
As a country and on a global scale, the people should make it clear that we are smarter than what they report on the news. That we were born into this world as autonomous beings, with God-given authority over our own lives. Most people given the choice of living under someone else’s authority or their own, would choose to be self-governing. They are hoping to stoke the flames of division and instigate a war between “conservatives vs. liberals.” We are wise to your playbook, thanks to history and brave individuals risking their lives or livelihoods to bring about clarity and awareness to the absolute corruption that has been presiding over us for longer than we would care to say out loud. Yes, we are going up against an evil opponent, but that opponent is not “the left” or “the right.” We need to activate our memory and hone in on survival skills. Speak to your neighbor, and break down political fences. The many injustices that have befallen humanity in just a few years must not continue any longer. They want to keep us divided because UNITED we are strong!
Like an “evil virus” purely focused on destroying our immune systems. We should now know that this specific narrative was designed to destabilize every system that sustains our way of life. This destabilization or “invocation of chaos” has cursed all of us, each and everyone, in every part of the world! All of us!
“That of which we are not aware, owns us.”
James Hollis, PH. D.
How will we fight anyone with a weaker more sensitive military force? One of my favorite modern scholars, said something like this and I’m paraphrasing…
The answer to chaos isn’t order, but love. Love is simply wanting other beings to flourish.
Dr. Jordan Peterson
His words aren’t hard to comprehend, but imagine a world where everyone did comprehend the meaning of wanting all beings to flourish. I want you to flourish. I work daily to flourish. I teach in order to help others flourish, and the chaos we are experiencing now makes it hard for anyone to flourish. We must remember that when we interact with people that may express opposing opinions or ideas, to stand firm in TRUTH.
Their mission seems to be clear, tear apart the systems that make America a great place to exist. They have also forgotten that the critical mechanism that makes America magnificent are it’s people, especially it’s patriots.
I’m curious how much longer we will tolerate this corruption within our system before we launch our own vaccines against this virus called “wokeness”
{Wokeness - symptoms that may occur if you are combatting this illness may include, but are not limited to; believing mainstream media, confusion, believing propaganda over fact, unable to see fact or understand logic, sleepwalking, sleep talking, never answering direct questions with any honesty, and lastly still saying everything is fine, because now someone is using your preferred pronouns.Rare instances of gender confusion may occur}
“Wokeness” may look something like this—>Vice President Biden nods off while former President Obama tells a story.
I believe anyone left in this country that has been able to look beyond the veil will tell you, this isn’t an administration that has the best interest of our country in mind. I’ve been wrestling this present illness everyday and have concluded that the most effective prescription that will eradicate “wokeness” is a huge dose of truth (light). Darkness retreats from the light. A splash of presence/awareness of mind/body/spirit. We are in the middle of a war, not just on the American way of life, but life in general. It seems anyone that speaks up to warn other people, are silenced. I’m on no other media platforms, so if I’m silenced here, the censorship has made its way to the blog space! The amazing thing about truth… it will always find its way to the surface.
Here is the truth, there is no prevailing racial injustice. There is just an overall tide of injustice, and it’s sweeping over our entire world. Historical legends are rolling over in their graves right now, sickened by the present condition of their country. Fallen soldiers (brave biological men & brave biological women) are asking why the America they fought for would so easily relinquish their liberties? Why? We have seen liberty struck down for an entire nation, these adjustments were made to appease a group of delusional people & these new adjustments to law, are in fact limiting the individual’s autonomy & their personal decisions over their body and what can be allowed/permitted to happen to them as a “free” individual. Individuals have been denied medical/religious exemptions for vaccines. This meant these individuals that refused the jab based on personal medical reasons or religious beliefs risked losing their livelihood, for their choice/right to not consent to an emergency authorized drug. All were told that letting them go would be the next course of action, if they didn’t do what the government mandated.This eliminated freedom for many, as many didn’t do as they were told, as they stood their ground their grasps clenched even tighter to the rights expressed in the U.S. Constitution. Now more and more people are waking up!
When people agreed to take an ineffective shot, one that does not live up to it’s hype, they relinquished (surrendered) their own immunities (liberties) for a false sense of security. In fact, many have died after receiving the shot, and some might even conclude that it was the shot that killed the person. We have seen liberty struck down time and time again as any & all facts challenging mainstream media are removed from social media platforms. A child’s right to be an innocent child has been stolen in some parts of the country, and the few parents that were “awake” to fight the evil were then persecuted publicly with biased coverage, and then put in a state of fear by their own government calling them “domestic terrorists” This label slapped on them simply for standing up to protect their children from a very real danger in America. The danger; the inability to discern fiction from non-fiction, the false from the truth… so since some may still be in the dark, let’s choose to wake up and stop them from changing the definition of everything in our reality that relates to our biological makeup & our God-given rights.
Everything our government has offered the American people as far as “leadership” has not created any positive changes. They enhanced the chaos in our lives to come in and say, “do what we tell you to correct the chaos.” The main thing they should do is excuse themselves from telling people what to do with their lives. Quit forcing things into our bodies that we don’t need or want. Quit placing themselves as the final authority in our lives. That role has already been filled, and we are not accepting any further applicants.
There will always be things that take you by surprise. I found out quickly at the beginning of this month that the scariest times in life aren’t when you are personally in danger, but when your child’s life may be in danger.
It actually started the last weekend in July, my baby girl said, “I have a really bad headache!” We gave her Tylenol and a cold rag and figured that would correct the problem. Then she threw up, we gave her some medicine for her stomach. We took her to the emergency room because she was also running a fever. (My son and I had just tested positive for Covid so we thought maybe she had it too.)
The ER doctor told me, she tested negative for Covid, Strep, UTI and that they were able to bring her fever down with correct dosing of meds (they gave her both Tylenol and Motrin at the same time!) then they sent us home early in the morning, a little past midnight.
Day 1- Trying to find out what’s wrong. just after 106.3 fever…
Later that same day, her fever returned with a vengeance, 106.3!!! I had never dealt with such a high fever, I quickly grabbed her and walked her into the shower and ran cool water over her head and body as she cried, knowing that she must be feeling completely miserable. Mom’s Pajamas now completely soaked. We managed to get her fever down to 102, I changed as quick as I could, and then we loaded her back into the car and drove back to the ER. I don’t think we even made it 12 hours at home, before returning her to the ER.
I checked her in and told the lady at registration that I wanted her seen as soon as possible that she now has a high fever of 106, and I wanted her checked for MISc. ( multiple inflammatory syndrome in children) the article I read that lead me to believe this told about an 8 year old girl that had shown symptoms similar to the symptoms my daughter was experiencing. That link is attached below.
The ER doctor took blood and checked her for inflammatory markers, they said they were concerned about the markers for her heart so they would be transferring her to Children’s Hospital. Their facility would be better equipped for the tests they would need to run on her. I let my husband know that they would be transporting her by ambulance and that I would ride along with her, and that they would need to go home and pack things for us as we were unsure how long this stay would last.
My husband and 14 year old son rushed home, packed and headed up to the hospital, my daughter and I still waiting for the ambulance to take us to the other hospital. The ER doctor started her on antibiotics and IV, he said that her most recent UA showed that she did have a urinary tract infection. Ok, weird she had no symptoms of a UTI. I was relieved that they may have found the reason for the fever though.
Once they loaded her into the ambulance and I buckled myself in… I took a deep breath and prayed. I prayed for her health and that we would make it there safe. An ambulance moving at 90 miles an hour would make anyone say a few prayers, but I was seriously upset for my child. We made it to Children’s in no time.
Once we were at Children’s, time seemed to stop. We were first wheeled into the ER, they ran an EKG and said her heart looks good but they still wanted to admit her because they wanted to see how her blood panel looked in a few days. My mind was constantly thinking of what could be causing this and how they were going to make her feel better?
The doctors came in and said they would continue the IV antibiotics that were started at the original hospital and that they would continue to do tests. Then there were pokes, lots and lots of pokes. Her veins were being difficult, and the place where they managed to set two IV’s weren’t giving blood like they needed either. They did a chest X-ray, some small spots on lungs, could be pneumonia, could be nothing. Current antibiotics should help. Then an ultrasound of her abdomen, nothing standing out. Then a CT scan of her abdomen, there is an indication of something going on with her kidney. Doctor tells me over the phone “that despite her inflammatory markers, they are leaning more towards pyelonephritis.” I asked “what is that and how do you spell it?” She responds with “kidney infection.” Wait, what? A kidney infection. I’ve had kidney infections, they cause pain in the lower back . It didn’t make sense to me. But after two weeks of antibiotics she improved and the fever had finally dissipated after 7 days on IV antibiotics. Sounds like a serious kidney infection, right?
We still aren’t convinced that it was just a kidney infection, as it doesn’t explain all of her other symptoms, but we are taking her to a specialist soon for her kidney, to make sure they are functioning properly. we are just so grateful that our baby girl was able to start 3rd grade today and that we are back home, safe and sound!
My baby girl! 2 weeks after being released from hospital!! Happy Mommy! I know how blessed I am to kiss her cheek today and everyday!
The birthday, that says to the world “over the hill!”
I do take things quite literally, so I laced up my hiking boots, traveled to the Ozark’s of Arkansas with the fam, and we hiked their mountainous trails. First of all, what stunning scenery.
INDIAN ROCK HOUSE TRAIL
I can truly say that getting to this point in life isn’t really “over the hill.” I now understand I’m mid-climb, and I also know I’m still climbing! The point of living is knowing there is still so much more to climb, and the beautiful discovery of self is in realizing the unique gifts God has given to you during the strenuous parts of the climb, not only to ensure that you make it to the top, but to bring as many people with you along the way. Which means to me… don’t get in anyone’s way, don’t intentionally hurt them along their personal journey, lift other people up with encouragement, and guide them and make them stronger with truth.
Things I’ve learned in this last stretch of my climb…
Loving God is really important!
Loving yourself is really important!
Loving your spouse is really important!
Loving your children is really important!
Loving your neighbor is really important!
Loving honesty is critical for growth!
Loving peace is critical for your soul!
🏔🌟🌟🌟ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL 🌟🌟🌟🏔
When you ACCEPT His blessing, His mercy, His forgiveness and ultimately His LOVE, you can truly start to utilize the gifts he has created in you, for you and for others on a daily basis.
You are a gift to the world!
This acceptance brings profound meaning to your climb. I know it has brought much meaning to mine. The instant that you realize you haven’t been climbing to reach the top for yourself, but to show others the way is the moment your steps become less heavy, the weight is shared among all of God’s people. We were meant to help one another… not cause each other to sink into the burden of sin. The Lord has been working on cutting away the parts of me that aren’t working for His will, and I am certain that following God’s way is the only way! 🦋
I’m praying many find this narrow road! 🥾🥾Forest Trail #1🥾🥾
If I were to look at the rest of my life as a downhill coast… I believe it would lead to an early grave. I’ll keep my aim on high places. The mountain I’ve been placed on may peak at a greater elevation point than the hills most people my age complete by 40. Lord knows I’ve been climbing. I’m not done yet! Hallelujah!
There seems to be a monster lurking in public places.
Set the scene: The year 2020!
The disruptive sounds of a hacking cough,
Promoting a look of alarm
And the indignant scoff.
(A novel virus enters the scene…) 🦠
You guys remember, our #1 fear!
Homeschooling begins…
Most all schools are closed…
Indefinitely.
Teachers work from home,
Delivering… instruction
Virtually.
Suicide rates increasing,
our young people deciding,
to die.
Why were they taught,
that this was an option,
why?
The Fauci & friends decided early in 2018
how THEY would beat this thing.
There must be only one remedy
“THE remedy,” will be a warp speed vaccine.
Normally, a process that takes a decade.
With emergency authorization, decisions were made.
I’m sure those “willing” volunteers didn’t hear
Some VAERS reports may contain information that is incomplete, inaccurate, coincidental, or unverifiable. Vaccine safety experts study these adverse events and look for unusually high numbers of health problems, or a pattern of problems, after people receive a particular vaccine.
Recently, the number of deaths reported to VAERS following COVID-19 vaccination has been misinterpreted and misreported as if this number means deaths that were proven to be caused by vaccination. Reports of adverse events to VAERS following vaccination, including deaths, do not necessarily mean that a vaccine caused a health problem.
~ CDC VAERS Website – ** Why would someone take the time to report a death if it wasn’t directly due to taking a vaccine?🧐
& surprise, surprise, within a year…
Listen everyone, the cure to Covid is here!
It’s safe and effective, get yours today!
Why??? Because you should all do as I say!
I’m the expert! (Expert at avoiding truth!)
Wait no, it’s more like an immune booster, not a cure!
Just take one shot, no…
two shots, now three…
Well hmm, maybe four!
Except the one’s it killed.
A booster & a vaccine card for proof
If you don’t… *Poof*
All things that go against this “scientific situation.”
Will now be tagged as misinformation.
Facebook helps “your content has been removed for a guideline violation.”
Let’s not forget the platform with the blue bird.
Twitter tells their conservative users “you shall never be heard!”
Freedom of speech, (brief pause)
It started with Dr. Seuss, now it’s made it to Dr. Oz.
Taking away credibility of opposing doctors, without proof or cause.
We need new politicians that will honor integrity.
We need less government, immediately!
Truth!
Year of mandates, 2021
Social distancing, masks, & “vaccination”
Social media no longer a place for debate
No dialectical conversations as of late
No truth or any real data given,
The world deserves an explanation,
WE matter!
Not 75 years from now,
but now!
The people will not just listen & remain quiet.
Or tune in to watch your “mostly peaceful” BLM riots!
Remember citizens, we must all trust their manipulated science
Too many loved ones taken by “Covid.”
Or was it the forced, poor, medical protocols that did?
Or that the vaccine manufacturers are legally protected
“More than 547 million doses of COVID-19 vaccines were administered in the United States from December 14, 2020, through February 14, 2022. During this time, VAERS received 12,304 preliminary reports of death (0.0022%)
~ CDC VAERS Website
CDC : copied & pasted direct from the website today 2/21/2022 @ 9:38 pm… incase they change it! CNN
The manufacturers no longer held liable.
Deaths and injury numbers, the only data unreliable??? 🧐
Soldiers FORCED to take THE inefficient shot
If not,
They will be dishonorably discharged
Nurses and doctors forced to bare their arms…
Not the 2nd amendment. Bare their actual arms.
It matters not…
That they survived the initial two years with natural immunity
I ask now, that as a community
We stop calling it a vaccine, or pushing this absurdity!
Fear increases… it’s been 2 years now since 2020
Stop calling it a vaccine.
They continue to change all the definitions…
So now…
Man is a woman, woman is a man
Trump didn’t win, it was Joe Biden
Elections aren’t rigged, just so you know…
Be on the lookout for your mail in vote!
People aren’t tired of dealing with the left
Those types of people are just “white supremacists.”
Ukraine’s borders are more important than ours.
Clarify to the people Biden, who is in control of these powers?
Our southern border sits open like 7-11, open all hours
Don’t worry officials, the big guy is documenting your sin.
All of these crimes against humanity!
You still think we can’t win?
I pray for the courage to stop this insanity
Even if you’ve never prayed, begin today!
Don’t take my word for it, open your eyes!
You’ll see the unbelievable amount of lies,
We will tell them that “Democracy is dying” as we continue to destroy it!
For instance this one “if illegals can’t vote then democracy dies!”
Federally, it is still a right given to legal citizens.
Watch “The News” for 5 seconds and you’ll see what I mean.
It’s not funny! People still do.
Who is this good for? It’s Good for WHO!
And their many large donors.
“As a result, those “buckets” can be misleading. In 2016, for example, FNIH listed eight donors who each gave more than $2.5 million, its top category. But a separate report FNIH filed with the Internal Revenue Service reveals that one of those donors gave $19.1 million. (The filing does not name the donor, but FNIH told Science it was the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation in Seattle, Washington.)”
~ Science.org… U.S. lawmakers want NIH and CDC foundations to say more about donors Congressional panel seeks greater transparency from bodies that raise private funds for federal research 29 JUN 2018 (ahead of Covid-19🤔 looks fishy to me… just saying!) BYJEFFREY MERVIS
A topic to discuss at depth with educated stoners
These provocative actions against the working people, kicking ass!
No surprise they attacked the workers, they want a dependent class!
We have been so busy, trying to pay off debt & live our best lives!
We didn’t know, we’d have to fight Big Pharma & Big Tech to survive!
Cut em up! All of them!
We will not be forced to just listen to the MAN!
WE listen, learn and lastly WE stand!
Stand against the Tyranny invading our lands!
We will instead fight to keep our rights,
A remedy for destructive behavior, is love not hate!
As so many peacefully protest, guarding the gate
God says now we must postulate!
The attack they have delivered is deeper than greed
What more could these elites possibly need?
A trillion dollars seems to be more than enough.
They want full control. Rules are as such:
• The act of critical thinking, no longer allowed.
• white people are privileged, yes even the down and out.
• 4 year olds should learn about sexual stuff and Critical Race Theory
• If one speaks out against THE Authority…. ————-Label them a racist, or a domestic terrorist!
• Do what we tell you, not what is right or honest!
• The only way to survive this pandemic is to trust that the government knows best!
*Disclaimer, this poem was written as a piece of art and my method of word therapy. Let those that read it, begin their individual journey to seek truth. Deception is present in all directions, more than I have ever observed. I am praying for all people, even those that push these atrocities on our most innocent people, our children. You are not my enemy, but an enemy of goodness. That’s what makes you Evil!*
Need more info to motivate you to do research, look at current world leaders and their connections to World Economic Forum!
There is no journey, quite like the one we go on, when we decide to explore ourselves. ~M. Clonch
Deep thoughts!
There have been moments in my own life that would completely boggle the mind of most people. You see, I know that for a fact as I’m the one that has made these decisions and sometimes I’m even perplexed as to how I could have made such decisions. I have led my life with my feelings mostly in charge of the reigns. If it seemed that it could meet expected, desired results, then I would agree to do certain things. This led to some impulsive and downright selfish behaviors. Now, I’m sure most people would say they have done things in their own life that they aren’t proud of. If SHAME were a bed & breakfast I booked myself a room there and stayed inside the executive suite, brewing shame & self loathing for several days, & at the very worst of it, I’ve stayed months & months. I think the cleaning lady finally came along & kicked me out. 😂
I’m also the cleaning lady!
I am guilty of staying at this place several times, and still, I am guilty of revisiting the entrance to this place from time to time. When I maintain self-awareness, I can simply observe quickly of the mental place I have arrived and decide it’s not where I want to be. Understand that something should be learned in this moment and then simply move along further on the journey. One could also succumb to the alternative & just book an extended stay at the “I Hate Me Hotel” and wallow in self-hate. The option is always there, but you must realize the final decision is always YOURS.
We have all been here! (Side note: I’m lactose intolerant, so in my experience, ice cream just creates more problems. It doesn’t fix them.)
I choose to be in a state of constant motion, not so much a physical state of motion, but I keep my brain active. It’s best not to book a long stay at the “I Hate Me Hotel!” So if I find myself at the entrance & if you accidentally find yourself here, this is my advice; Step 1) realize you are about to check in to the worst place ever & then request an early checkout. Know that there will never be refunds, and it will cost you dearly if you choose to stay. Step 2) Take note of the path you took to get here, and avoid that path. It was only meant to be traveled once. There is no need to return.
“Oh! I’m the one driving this thing!”
Hopefully, by this point we are both envisioning the “I Hate Me Hotel” as this run down hotel, that kind of resembles a haunted house. It needs a lot of TLC, and everything about it is dark and uninviting. I’ve learned that this place physically exists in our minds. Personally, I know that my mind at times can be very dark, a self-deprecating place. This place can speak awful things about ya the entire duration of your stay, and one should never expect to have any fun while staying there.
Who booked this trip?
I’ve also discovered a lovely place, we will call this place “Peaceful Retreat” this can be a place of deep self- love, self-forgiveness, intense joy and appreciation, oh yeah and sarcasm. Yes, sarcasm- this is one of my most refined personality traits. It has to be included at the “Peaceful Retreat”!!!! 😂
💯
Throughout my personal journey and experience with these “places” we can stop in & stay, this I have learned. YOU must agree to stay there. No one is forcing you and no one can rescue you from it, except YOU! If you learn how to identify these internal points of interest, you can discover new routes that may help you avoid the traffic jam (depressive state) all together.
No GPS for personal journeys, sorry!
I have learned to recognize the places I travel regularly, my husband calls this my patterned behavior. In all my years, it seems the only routine I was sticking with was killing me on the inside. Now when I arrive at these “points of interest” I ask myself, “do I really want to stay here? And at such a high price?” Fully aware that if I choose to stay in that place it will tear me down internally first, then it will promote havoc externally. Knowing that this mental state only aims to tear me down or mentally wreck me, makes it much easier to now say… “umm no! Not today Satan! I don’t want to feel bad about who I am.”
There is much power in knowing who you are!
Ok, so what does this all mean? Discovering yourself and going on an internal journey. First off, the journey can take years, so pack a bag that will help you stay prepared for anything. You won’t realize all the difficult terrain you will come across. I suggest throwing in a few people that you know you can trust & that can help you along the way with some external insights & brutal honesty.
Enjoy the journey, you are the guide, you are the amusement, you are everything. { “I” am not in your journey, but “YOU R”! }~M.Clonch
You R!
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope I have helped you recognize something about where you might currently be in your journey and that your next destination completely relies on you!
My journey has currently taken me in a direction that allows the stronger and more beautiful parts of who I am to shine, and this light helps me see more clearly of who I hope to become. pray that my journey is a long one! Check out Www.TheEmeraldGypsy.comto see my current point of interest. I’m loving it, I’m not the greatest at it yet, but I’m giving myself the opportunity to try to be. Love and peace to all! Stay Safe!
Every year, I find myself evaluating my life’s journey as my birthday approaches. This year will be the last year in my thirties. I don’t think 40 is that old, now that I’m sitting so terribly close to it. I look at all the things I have experienced over the last 300+ days of my 38th year and try to evaluate all the ways I could have been a better person, while quietly celebrating the times I am sure I did my very best.
Looking back I see the mountains I have had to overcome.
Dissolving the lens I once used to look at myself, helped to initiate a sudden series of revelations. Removing this lens allowed an opportunity to meet my true self. At first, I began to see who I had always been. The innocence that I thought I had lost, resurfaced, reminding me that it had never left. The curiosity, I used when exploring my world as a child, gained intensity. The biggest inner transformation occurred when I decided to accept all of my mistakes.
Mistakes are allowed!
I mean all of my mistakes, the big ones, the small ones, the consistent mistakes, and my future mistakes. I forgave myself with the most simple of intentions. I recognized that I was already forgiven, the only living soul without sin, the man with a flawless record, had not only forgiven me, he painfully & selflessly sacrificed his body without deserving any of it. He took my lashings, he bled for me. He wept for me. He died for me.
Worthy of this kind of love & sacrifice.
If he could forgive me, then it would be a “perfect” thing for me to also forgive my past transgressions as well as any future transgressions. I thought deeply about his physical sacrifice, the pain he endured on my behalf. All so that I could be saved, and instead of choosing to live within this gift of eternal blessings, I was choosing to live in the physical pain of sin. He knew long before you & I were ever born that ALL humans would need this absolute forgiveness. I started chipping away the deception I had lived in most of my life. The idea that I wasn’t enough. A lie! The idea that I was not created with a purpose. A lie! The idea that I was set to live out the path my mother had cleared for me. A lie! The idea that I couldn’t be a messenger for God because of my sins. A lie! The idea that my soul was lost or confused. A lie! I began to rebuke the lies. I began to tell myself the truth. I began to love myself, not in a selfish way, but in the way I could finally see my soul as not being perfect, but as a soul that was formed and yet still worthy of His only son’s sacrifice. You are worthy of forgiveness and that was why such a huge sacrifice was necessary, a perfect sacrifice for a multitude of sins.
Covering a multitude of sin…
With a large dose of truth & pure light I began to forgive myself… I noticed that I was no longer just a blossom, but a beautiful bouquet of self-love.
I will write my own story.
This past year has awakened me in more ways than I ever thought possible. Each day bringing new & welcomed challenges, as well as a new level of self-awareness. Becoming self-aware unlocked some deeply buried potential. This higher-level of awareness began to absolve the negative lens I had used to view my life. Looking back now, I can clearly see that this had been the singular lens in which I had been looking through while trying to find purpose in my life. It is difficult to find your truth and your purpose when the view is covered in lies (the negative lens).
Vision blurred by deception.
I became acutely aware of boundaries I had permitted to be crossed and broken, I became aware of my detachment from the meaningful parts of life, and learned of the places in which to apply necessary boundaries. I searched myself for all the pain and injury from my past that I had allowed to reside in my spirit, and began to write eviction notices. I had carried them all for far too long. Childhood trauma, you can leave! You are evicted. I don’t need you. I can take care of myself now, as well as I take care of my own children. (This required a lot of forgiveness and a huge release of carried resentment that I felt as it physically detached from my spirit.) I grieved each time I evicted past injuries. I had to intentionally set aside time to forgive the people that I felt had taken advantage of my kindness, my innocence, my goodness! I had found that I had subconsciously held onto this pain for most of my adult life as justification for my own errors. I had been living life like some sort of weary traveler, loaded down with negative feelings, thoughts and emotions.
In moments of despair, remember you are already saved!
I now have a greater understanding of myself & that there will always be things that I encounter that I will try to hold onto, and I can at times be better served by just relenting my control. If you are like me, you may try to control most things in your life, so to release this control can be very challenging. Learning to let things go can be a painful exercise, understanding that we are unable to direct specific or certain outcomes can be comparable to cutting off one’s own leg. I had to figure out where my ability to change things began/ended. The moment I became aware of myself and the parameters of my influence. I began to better understand and give proper respect to the outermost boundaries of my influence. This helped me relinquish the control I once held onto so tightly. A firm grip is not long lasting. My firm grip would soon lead to the loss of any type of grip allowing moments for everything to spiral out of control. I’d find myself completely exhausted, waking among the aftermath of the storm, I had created.
Aftermath…
I didn’t know how to find me, and instead of broadening my search, I kept looking in the same old places. I kept looking for me in other people. No one knew what I was looking for or that I had felt I had been a missing person. It was easier not to explain my search… not to ask who they thought I was? Secretly, I would search my surroundings and people I had been around to find what I alone had been hiding. Who am I? What did I want? What was my purpose?
🦋🦄
For the longest time I couldn’t distinguish between the things I’d done to please others versus what I actually wanted. I know I’ve made decisions in the past prescribing to a life that is better for everyone. These decisions however wise, left me feeling proud and yet confused. Some passing moments or events would cause me to question my motives. It was only when I would seek the stillness and the quiet that I could realize my purpose. I’d realize my heart. Some memories swirl tirelessly there. Kept guarded internally, so I can keep them safe. The heart/soul, is a vast container of all that is good, it holds everything that is dear, it also contains and provides love.
My mind can often be confused by the sacrificing of self, (My flesh). It is only when we have removed the flesh can we discover our spirit. My soul will seek to understand His will, my self will seek to understand my own will. When I relinquish control now I do so confidently knowing that my purpose is to fulfill His will and not my own. Remarkably, with this understanding you realize nothing brings greater spiritual fruit. My own happiness grows through acknowledging my spiritual purpose. Love Abides in me and I am in Love with who “I Am”!
🥳 39 years young!
Praying for peace during these uncertain times! Remember, you belong, you have a purpose and know that you are loved! Thanks for reading!
The World in Black and White 
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