Leveling Up Day #2

Working on your home while trying to heal yourself from childhood trauma, is easier said than done. There are only a few things I can think of that might be more difficult from my experience… childbirth or the loss of a loved one.

I have been diving deep into the root of most of my problems. I have exposed truths in my life that have caused me pain and I have challenged myself to face them head on. After each revelation and resolution, I experience such emotional and spiritual growth. I discussed this growth with my husband last night. I told him what I’ve learned about loving myself and asked him to try to be kind to me. I asked him to let go of the bitterness he had been holding onto about our past. I told him that to release the negative and toxic energy wasn’t just a benefit for me, but for our family. I asked him these things with a giant ultimatum and the first one I had ever given him. I didn’t expect for him to be filled with such anger, when I said “do these things that I ask, or I’m gone!” I learned during this conversation that although I don’t have control over anyone. I can speak to those that make up my reality as to what I expect in my life. I told him my boundaries, this was an emotional process for me as I’m not always clear with others about my boundaries. I told him I would no longer compromise myself for the sake of other’s happiness. I am worthy of love and happiness. After he told me to just leave several times, I placed my hand on top of his and placed it on his heart, his left hand I grabbed and held it open towards the sky. I asked him to release the toxic energy so he could make room for the positive. During this, he said some things that he needed to say and it caused more conflict. I listened, and as I heard his requests I stood firm in what I will and won’t allow in my life. I know the type of life I want to have is not impossible, and that I must put in the work to achieve it. The hardest decision is the first one, and that is acknowledging that you will always get what you believe you deserve.

The spiritual leveling up and the emotional growth I experienced from standing firm in loving myself may have looked like a baby fawn trying to stand up for the first time, but after awhile it became easier and I began to understand that I only have to accept the things in my life that are sent to me with good energy. If it isn’t sent to me in a way I can accept then I can send it back to the gifter. I would have loved to have had this knowledge and awareness as a child. It is such an amazing game changer for anyone’s life. I hope I am explaining it well enough for everyone to understand.

It has never been easy for me to stand up for myself. Believing that in doing so I would be seen as disobedient or too much to handle. I had convinced myself that if I stood my ground no one would be there beside me and that I would be left or abandoned. I no longer feel afraid to be alone anymore, because I can love myself the way I should be loved. I’m no longer looking for love from others but sharing this limitless fountain of love I have found within myself.

Discovering this love has revealed my heart and purpose and it is exhilarating.

For me, loving myself means establishing boundaries for others and expressing to them what I will and won’t allow in my life. It is telling the universe that I am stronger and ready for the next lesson. Realizing that I am the author and illustrator of my story. I can now walk proudly and confidently down my path and know that it was designed for me. Our conversation was definitely an emotional one and I definitely got a good cry in during & after.

Even though the conversation was difficult, it was necessary.

This morning I woke without an alarm clock at 5:30, and started my morning with coffee and an intense desire to learn more about breaking generational curses. As a child, I was left feeling abandoned from my parents divorce. I realize now I have carried that pain with me for 29 years. I know the peace that comes from letting it go and I want to help others. I also realized that I want to protect my children from this pain and struggle. I know I don’t want to be the cause of this for them and want to shield them as much as possible from unnecessary pain. If I am ever forced to walk away for their sake I now possess this wisdom. This is what was revealed to me in my quiet time. Women hold such a wonderful purpose within the family dynamic. If you have found a wife, you have found a good thing.

“He knew he would need someone soft, yet strong. Someone wise, yet patient. Someone confident, yet brave. So, God put Adam to sleep and created a woman to be by Adam’s side, formed from his rib.” –

“Eve was created as a “helper corresponding to him.” God called her ezer kenegdo. In Hebrew, ezer means helper. Kenegdo means opposition or against — not disharmony but as support and balance.”

(Christianity.com)

My quiet time may have only lasted 30 minutes this morning, but it gave me so much guidance for the day. If you are working on yourself and apply these things in your life. Get ready for the abundance that has been waiting for you to receive it. A most amazing gift we have been given, LIFE. We are about to experience amazing things. Magical and majestic doesn’t have to be things that only fairytales are made of… It can be expected for our reality as well. Set your sights on such things. Prepare yourself for good things!

In School NEWS: “due to the continued spread of COVID – 19 in our community and an increase of close contact quarantines, all school sites will move to Distance Learning beginning Monday, November 16th and continue through Friday, November 20th. Beginning Monday, November 16th, all students will be expected to complete Distance Learning attendance requirements and classwork daily.