April 19th – My Birthday

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Wow, I’m still alive at 36. Today was a great day. Lots of birthday wishes… mostly given on social media- by people I never talk to, which is fine. I chose DONUTS for breakfast (apple fritters were amazing!) lil girl had dance rehearsal and then we had a baseball game- part of pre-season tournament for the league. My son did well. He is pretty consistent! We had a normal day. Truth be told that’s all I ever want is a normal day. And then…

I did feel left out today. Baseball moms had a couple drinks before the game, and I wasn’t included. I take these kinds of things really hard. I guess I just want the opportunity to decline the invitation. I know why I wasn’t invited, what I’ve done  is too much for people to understand. I am not able to drink on my medication is my go to excuse. Socially, I still struggle. I wear a coat and mask of confidence and tell myself. I’m sure their “dirty laundry” stinks worse than mine! They just haven’t had all of their laundry hung out in full exposure, like me. My life is slowly returning to normal… I just have to remind myself that this takes time.

Well at least one of the moms asked me how things were going, after the game. I even got a hug out of it. That was nice. I came home and couldn’t knock the feeling of being a failure. It was overwhelming. It was brought on so suddenly. I let the feeling win. Even though I didn’t want to. It really was a nice day to turn 36… I’m getting older and being intentional about getting wiser.

Repeating this statement today;

I am not a failure, I will overcome all of this! I will work Beary hard! 801119D1-5891-41EA-8962-103D5859A5A2

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