The manual my doctor skims through, the DSM-5
listing labels, he says, “point to the one that best describes.”
I felt like I was being quizzed, to see how well I knew myself.
Borderline Personality Disorder, eyes growing wide, did I pass the test?
Wait, what? How could this be? I love my personality.
How could there be something wrong with me?
Turns out my amygdala is smaller, and over-worked
causing my emotions to be intense, I look like the jerk.
That isn’t the only thing functioning incorrectly
My pre-frontal cortex, also known as the PFC
is a major culprit in the reasons behind BPD.
It keeps one from mediating their own choices.
Good and Bad, share the same voices.
It’s more than a matter of using your wise mind,
Our impulse is to react, without being kind.
This behavior sounds childish, you may even say!
these under-developed parts of my brain, are probably ok.
I am working very hard at beating this disorder,
I would love for my brain to grow, as I continue to get older.
I know that it has caused many disruptions in my life
Causing people that I love to endure unwarranted strife.
What I want for myself, is the same that I want for you
Help me see where I am weak, and believe in what I can do.
I have become aware of my tendencies and weaknesses
my impulsivity, my anger and memory losses.
walking numb through life, completely unaware
wasn’t producing anything worthy to share
I have been awaken to a whole new way of life
God didn’t forsake me, he has allowed me another chance to be a wife
a mother, a sister, a teacher. He has literally shaken me to the core
I am now so excited about all that He may have in store.
I know life is to short to be living in pain
so look away from the losses, and look forward to the gain.