Writing poetry, is one of my things. I have always written my feelings down in times of extreme emotions. Not words of romantic love, but emotional expression none the less. I would turn to writing to see these almost unexplainable emotions written in black and white. It was somehow comforting to see that choices I had made or in the process of making were not just in my head. This made me feel like their may be others that share my way of thinking, my way of making impulsive decisions. If I was smart enough to express how I was feeling on paper, there was nothing wrong with my mind or my behavior. I convinced myself that it was just my uniqueness or being more creative than others. I have made some horrible decisions in my life. Primarily those made on impulse. Lucky for you I will not share all of my poems here. Some will always remain in the darkness of a closed notebook or incomplete journal that lives on a nearly forgotten shelf in my attic. I only open up and share now as an act of rehabilitating myself. In hopes of finding myself, and finding others that deal or have dealt with the emotions I have. Sunday will be set aside for poetry. If you have read most of my other entries, you may have noticed that I am now finding meaning for each day of my blog. It really is turning into a full time job. Thanks for stopping by and I hope the words you are about to read, simply help.
A Mysterious Drink
When my pain began, I took a drink from a mysterious cup
It directed my sight away from yours, I only took a moment to look up
Only now realizing that this world that I chose was upside down
The thing that adorns my face was no smile, but a frown.
This cup of mystery, holds an enticing drink
It allows one to obey their feel, disobey their think
A familiar taste, yet still such an exotic blend
This euphoric revelation, explodes to no end
Do what feels good, not what makes sense
The rest of the world missing out on this “bliss”
Logic, missing from this mysterious cocktail
One sip from this cup, and the mind is now frail.
The mind, has now become a playground to erosion
Your own chemicals directing torture & a self-afflicted poison.
I am seriously ignorant to any other type of place
I have locked myself inside, with no clear chance of escape.
I invited you into my world before I really knew
Just how much I differ from you
The place where I have lived, is only made of black and white
Absent of anything that isn’t plain-wrong or just-right
Where is this gray world, you sit here and describe?
It sounds so normal, so boring, lacking so many of my kind
This word you just taught me, defining, CONSEQUENCE
A harsher word, in either world, has never been in existence
You say the drink in my cup, has such a deceiving taste…
At first causing this remarkable craving,
Then such remarkable waste.
Binge drinking this mixture, both still so unaware
No worries, and no real reason to be scared
For a moment, we both abandon all feelings of fear
The view of our future, well we both see it clear
Nothing can hurt us, as we walk on the clouds
Close only to each other, set apart from the crowds
I can’t believe we are here, I have dreamt of this day
Finding this person that shows me, he will stay longer than stay.
Addicted now, my blend of this deceptive drink,
You swallow all, leaving no time to think.
The moment you tell me that you are all mine.
I turn away, this is taking too much of my time
The truth is… If I would have stayed any longer, here lies my heart.
You should know by now, I am an expert at keeping all things apart
You begged me to be more like those who live in this gray world of yours
You and all your grays are clueless of the heartache impulsive actions can cure.
The memory of your taste
Is more than I can take, so I push it further away
I can barely see you now, our feet no longer touching the clouds
I have self-destructed, while declaring a war on our lives somehow
It isn’t right I know, I have been sick and my patterns exposed
The lies, the masks, this game of trickery, so well-composed
It wasn’t you, I know now, that it was all me
Actually, This mysterious flavor you crave, is one called, BPD
The bitter taste, a detectable defect in this exotic blend
For those who have had their fill of it, again and again.
Stay far from my path, those thirsty just for fun
A small sip from my cup = darkness has won.
This poisonous drink even known to be fatal
And harmful to all, especially those mentally unstable
There they are, those of whom, I am closely akin
yet this taste, tastes too close to pretend.
Can I be present in this real world of gray
A foreigner, a tourist, just hoping to find my way.
I am being mindful now of my actions, impulses and words
Stepping into a world that isn’t black nor white, all is mostly blurred
I am asking my savior now, to sip from a completely different cup
He says he is standing beside me, and there’s no way he will ever give up
This message is here for those that I have known, hurt and loved
For I am truly sorry, I am just learning of this drink from above
This old taste may remain bitter on your tongues, it may even stain your soul
I have found the only way to relieve the bitterness, honestly, is to just let it go!
This was written for those who speak, as I speak
To remember your strength and forget where you’re weak
He loves you this second, this minute, on this very day!
You will always be remembered in my prayers, when I pray!